You can also filter by categories
UncategorizedSorry, we didn't find anything.
So earlier this week the news was abuzz with the latest link to autism, older dads. Here’s the NY Times link to the main story.
And I have joked in the past at how crazy it is all the different things that are linked to autism. I even wrote a humorous blog post about it a few months back that you can read HERE.
So people always assume that I am anti-research and/or against all these studies. I guess by my writings and my reaction to when these stories come out I guess I thought so too.
But yesterday a writer named KJ Dell’Atonia from the NY Times emailed me. She was writing an article about the difference between autism mother’s reactions linking things like mom’s weight and antidepressant use to autism vs autism dad’s reactions to this older dad link. Her theory was that dads don’t get bothered as much and she wanted a quote from me for her article.
You can read her article now. It’s called “The Clock Ticks For Men As Well”. I got the last quote in the article. The final word you could say. Here’s what I was quoted as saying about the news linking father’s maternal age to autism…
“I’m not bothered by it,” declared another father of an autistic son, also by e-mail, who prefers to be known by his blog name, Autism Daddy. “I think feeling guilty is ridiculous.”
And I love that quote, but I thought you’d like my complete take on this issue because I was truly surprised by some of my answers.
So here’s what the NY Times writer asked me in her initial email. She wrote…
I’m working on a piece for Sunday Styles about the male reaction to the study about the causes of autism, and whether it’s engendering any of the same self-flagellation that mothers do so well over similar research.
I’m a fan of your blog and it’s useful advice (I especially like the faux-helpful things people say…), and although I have no idea how old you are or we’re when your son was born, I thought you might either have thoughts yourself, or a more general “guys I talk to around the schoolyard” sort of comment. Is there a reaction to this? Is there a sense of guilt or inevitability or an anecdotal response about it? I liken it to the way women might react of a link between autism or ADHD and antidepressant use was confirmed.
I’m curious to hear what you think.
And here’s what I wrote back to her…
So here’s my deal. I’m 42. I was 33 when my son was born. I don’t consider that old. So I don’t have any of the guilt that others might.
But I think feeling guilty is ridiculous. I honestly don’t feel that there’s anything I or my wife could have done differently BEFORE HE WAS BORN that would’ve prevented my son’s autism. There’s plenty of things after he was born that I can feel guilty about.
But this study about the older dads. It doesn’t really bother me because I understand the difference between a “link” to autism vs a “cause” of autism.
Being an older dad might be one of 10 links that might cause a kid to have autism.
Many people wrote on my page things like “my husband was 26 and my son has autism so that theory doesn’t work” or “my husband was much older for our 2nd kid and she is typical so I don’t believe the study” but that’s not how it works.
So no I’m not bothered by it. I’m glad there doing lots of research to find links and causes. What I am bothered by is them releasing the findings from these studies prematurely and/or the mainstream media picking up on them and simplifying them and scaring people. Every week there’s a new link. Mothers weight, father’s age, living near a highway, etc, etc, etc. If you read that every other week it just seems ludicrous.
And she wrote me back about 20 minutes later with a few followup questions. My answers are below her questions…
Can I ask why you appreciate the research being done on causation and links? What do you hope might eventually come of it?
- I appreciate the research on causation & links mostly because it will work towards a cure for future generations. It might not help my son, but if they figure out what the links or causes are it may help future parents. And also sometimes the research finds similarities between autism and other neurological disorders (like Parkinson’s or cerebral palsy) which may lead to possible medicine advancements for autism.
Do you see a difference in the way you and others feel about this research and the way mothers react to similar links between, say, antidepressant use or obesity?
- Many people, especially moms, get offended or frustrated with research like this because it makes them feel guilty about something they may have done during pregnancy for example. Bu if you were on antidepressants or obese while pregnant and had an autistic kid that’s probably not the sole cause. No one is saying that. They are saying that your kid probably already had a predisposition to being autistic and obesity, antidepressants, or any number of other things or a combo of all those things came together to unfortunately make your kid autistic.
And can I use your actual name in quoting you, as in Joe Smith, who blogs as Autism Daddy? There will be a link in the online version of the piece
- I’d prefer to remain anonymous if possible, but if the only way I can get quoted is to give up my secret identity and to reveal myself then so be it… My name is F—- C——-.
So all that back and forth for that one little quote… But that’s ok. I know how newspapers work and that’s the name of the game. I’m honored to be quoted in the NY Times about autism. And I’m honored that I got to keep my secret identity… 🙂
And this back & forth really put into words how I really feel about this issue. It now makes sense to me. I hope it makes sense to y’all.
That’s it…
THE END!
So…. Autism Daddy is really Father Christmas? I should have guessed!
This is the very first time I have read your blog. I do not have an autistic child, I am the aunt of an autistic nephew. My son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 9. So, I cannot attest to autism, but to having a child with a disability without a cure or a real known cause. I do appreciate research, but I also recognize we are humans trying to understand a complex , God created body. Whether or not a cause or cure is found, children are a heritage from the Lord. Our son is a blessing: to our family, to those around him and to others who struggle with infirmities. He has the opportunity to have compassion and understanding his "healthy" siblings may never posses. Each person is given gifts and allowed certain struggles to be a blessing to others & glorify their creator. We live in a broken world, but I find great comfort in people, such as yourself, who choose to use their circumstances to help encourage others. That is self-less and I just wanted to say,"thank you."
For me the finding are interesting and I don't feel guilty. Mainly because as much as I would do anything to make my son's life easier, I refuse to lose him. His personality and little quarks. Even the ones that he has BECAUSE of his autism. I know not everyone has it as "easy" as me, my son is high functioning and verbal. I want to find a cure or medicine/therapy for those who don't have it as easy. If there was a cure tomorrow that would make my son what society calls normal, I wouldn't want it for him. However I would fight to get it for those who do want it! There are way too many great minds that have been suspected or are diagnosed with being on the spectrum for me to really want it to completely go away. If you ask me no mother or father should feel guilty for anything. We are not given anything we can't handle. I truly believe this, even if some days I am at my wits end. Keep on blogging!
Ah, I don't overly care to absorb guilt about whether it was my age or anything else that was the cause. That seems counterproductive to what needs to be done now.
I totally agree with EmbraceSpectrum…On another note, I do agree with you that it is ridiculous t start publishing findings they are not sure about! For me, Id rather have researchers spend more time in finding a cure rather than finding the why. Even if finding the why is as important, but still to me it means more to help my child rather than, say shucks I wish I was younger when I had him, I wish, I wish I wish…Find me a cure and I will be one happy bunny…
I'd be kind of irritated at how much she cut out of what you said, because you took the time to respond in such a meaningful way. That's crap. She should've used more of what you said.
I am reminded of that Mark Twain quote: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
Yes this research is all the buzz in the autism world but most parents are not taking it very seriously. There are simply too many cases which go against the research as in young dads fathering a child with autism. One could potentially find a common link for any number of factors…we could make them up. Parents who are well educated have autistic kids…parents who like the Simpsons have children with autism….I am being ridiculous of course.
There really isn't much practical use one can get from such research. After all a correlation does not mean causation.
Good for you for commenting publicly. Personally I think this type of research is much ado about nothing.
I agree that research is important! the answers are always going to be different,depending on what fits your family best,If you believe its the fathers age, toxins,vaccines,etc…If you find comfort in these answers so be it, until you live our lives it sure is easy to think,write,or say what the cause is. what works best for us is simple God choose special parents for these special boys he has given me.
Well said, Autism Daddy. Well said.
I live in a small town in AR and there was 43 kids in my graduating class. 13 of us have Autistic children. Most of them are Severe. We have all discussed the different things we think it could be….and none of us were old when we had our kids…"Early 30's and late 20's)….of course we are all leaning towards something from the environment here. But none the less, it is what it is….and we just have to continue to love what the good Lord gave us to the best of our abilities and hope as you say that they may figure it out one day in the future. We can spend our days being upset with what life dealt us or we can just suck it up and move on….Me personally…I choose to love my special child, and enjoy the ride…
Age of the dad, obesity, living by the highway (our kitchen looked onto the highway sound wall!), multiple ultrasounds and being human…..all were part of the equation of James. Not only does he have Autism but also epilepsy, a tic disorder, ADHD and ODD. Just glad he is mine because he is super special!
Wow!! Pretty brave to trust Dell'Atonia not to take things out of context or "screw you over". I'd have laughed at her when I received the first e-mail that stated "I'm a fan of your blog…,although I have no idea how old you are or we're when your son was born,…". The NYT must be hiring their journalists from Yahoo! these days. Anyway, kudos to you. Its too bad you can't pop in for a beer, I live in England, but I am from the same neck of the of the woods as you.