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Thanksgiving was a C+ but we're gun shy for today…

Fri 10:27am — Yesterday, Thanksgiving Day was a solid C+ in Autism Daddy land. 
The first part of the day was a solid A-  
The king was relaxing & cooperative at home while while wifey cooked a bunch of the side dishes that she was bringing over her sis’s house and while I helped clean pots & pans and packed his gigantic bag of supplies that we brought with us. 
He was good for the first few hours that we were at wifey’s sis’s house although he was sorta keeping to himself and playing on his iPad.
But the second half of our day there was an F. 
He was happily hitting everyone that came anywhere near him. Or he would go up to my father in law, seek him our, kiss him on the forehead, and then slap him in the chest… HARD. 
My 75+ year old father in law who has heart problems and had heart surgery a few years back shouldn’t get hit. 
No one should. 
So we had to make a hasty, quick exit…holding both of his wrists as we said good night to everyone so he couldn’t get an extra slap in. 
What brought on the hits?
Again he wasn’t raging. 
He was happily hitting and QUICK. 
His hands are lightning fast. 
But what brought it on?
Who the F knows?!
Maybe the combo of him eating virtually NOTHING most of the day combined with the fact that he didn’t get in his late afternoon nap that he’s become accustomed to. 
That’s the nap that we aren’t always sure if it’s seizure induced, side effect of meds, or just plain old puberty / growing pains induced. 
Regardless he didn’t have an opportunity to nap and showed no signs of needing one PLUS we tried to get him to eat a decent meal most of the day and he wouldn’t take a bite of anything substantial. 
So no naps + hunger = hitting?
Who the F knows?!
All I know is that it put kind of a damper on the day…
And even though the family was fine with it all…
“Guys, it’s fine. He didn’t hurt me.”
It’s just not right or polite to let your kid hit his relatives. 
In fact, in hindsight we probably let it go on too long. He got in way to many good shots to several different people before we pulled the plug and got the hell out of there. 
And now, today?
We’re supposed to go to my sister’s house for an early afternoon dinner.  We’re picking up my mom and driving up there. 
My sis lives 90 minutes away 
But wifey and I are gun shy. 
My sis has 2 NT daughters. 
8 & 10 years old. 
If Kyle feels like hitting today, hitting his young cousins, what do we do?
Last night when we got home we seriously talked about me and my mom going and leaving Kyle and wifey at home. 
“If he shows any signs of that kid from last night then we probably shouldn’t take him.” I said to wifey. 
And my sis is great. She said “of course bring him…we can deal with it, the girls will be fine”
But it’s just not nice to have an 11 year old hitting younger kids. 
Luckily it hasn’t happened before. When the king is in a hitting mood he normally saves his wrath for the adults and spares the kiddies. 
But, he was in RARE form last night. So we are gun shy. 
It’s now 10:57am and his majesty is getting an extended morning nap. And we have an hour or so to decide what to do. 
We are leaving towards rolling the dice and going…or at least I am…wifey seems a bit more apprehensive…
But I think we are gonna go for it… And hope for the best… And if things go sour we’ll pull the plug, earlier than yesterday, and make the 90 minute trek home. 
Sorry this post is such a downer… But that is our reality right now…
Today’s Friday. When does work and school start again?

Written by

Frank Campagna

I’m a 48 year old neurotypical dad with a 14 year old son with severe, non-verbal autism & epilepsy. I created this blog to rant about autism & epilepsy while celebrating my son who I affectionately call “the king” :-).

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16 People Replies to “Thanksgiving was a C+ but we're gun shy for today…”

  1. Super blog bardzo ciekawy: )
    Miło tu u Ciebie, na pewno będę tu wpadać częściej : ) Może obserwacja za obserwację? ZAPRASZAMY:)

  2. I hope that things went better for you yesterday. I agree with the other comments that it often gets better as they get older, assuming they have had lots of practice as youngsters. We still don't go to visit family much, but when we do our daughter is now able to entertain herself without issues. It took a lot of work to get to that point though.

  3. if he hit his cousin an they hit him back would he stop becuse he no how it felt .that work with me when I was younger

  4. Anonymous

    What was said above is true… My son is 24 and my daughter with autism/epilepsy is 17. It does get better. Wow, this post takes me back. Be encouraged that these outings are what helps make it better later. It's the learning ground. We can eat in restaurants. Everyone with our struggle gets what I just said. We can EAT in restaurants. It wasn't at 24 or 17, more like 12 or so after many attempts. I say to people it's like having a toddler for way longer than any parent should.. So I look forward to 65 or so when I can do even more with my kiddos. Just kidding! It does get better. Don't pretend that you are going to a relatives for a holiday, you are going to "somewhere" to teach Kyle to behave. Good Luck today!

  5. Anonymous

    You should seriously consider putting him in a year-round residential treatment facility, if i'm assuming correctly, there's one within a 90 minute drive of where you guys live, called the Anderson Center for Autism. I go to school in that area and I have friends who are education majors who have interned there. They say the care for each child is GREAT. So, AD, avoid stress and look into it. It will rid you of much stress and maybe will help you stop being an asshole.

    1. Anonymous

      Don't think he was asking for your shifty opinion. Sounds like someone dumped their kid instead of manning up and taking care of business. I feel bad for your kid.

    2. Anonymous

      I really don't understand that asshole line. Now everybody concentrate on this unnecessary rudeness and nobody actually cares about what you said. Which is kinda pity… Because residental facility maybe isnt a blasphemy but relevant option in case of severe mental condition without any hope for improvement. It is heartwrenching decision, but Kyle will unfortunately end up there anyway somewhen in future. Even if AD will stay decided to spend the the rest of his life in stress and on antidepressants, he will not be here for Kyle forever. So why not to put Kyle in facility while he is still young and adaptable? I know, it is such emotional topic, but man is not only heart, also reason. I would actually love to read a blog on the topic of facility care here. I read here about suicides, even about murderers of disabled children, but the facilities seem to be completely tabuised like something unthinkable…

    3. If your "friends" at that place are anything like you, I wouldn't let a rattlesnake near that place. You do not take a child like Kyle or any child on the spectrum and lock them away. Here's hoping you never become a parent. FU and your shallow minded self centered asshole self. Autism Daddy and Wifey are awesome parents. They rock!

    4. you really are not worth replying to… bad suggestion… if you dont want to hear about all this then find a better asshole to read the private things he shares. I think you are the asshole.

  6. Anonymous

    My heart goes out to you. It's not an easy road to plow, but you do a great job even during the sudden storms. Our eleven yr. old Aspberger's grandson arrived looking like a street kid, needing haircut, shower, appropriate clothing, but if that was enforced there
    would have been hell to pay. So we just accept and deal. He was wonderful company with the houseful and well behaved. It's just about hanging in there and doing what you can. No easy path.

  7. Anonymous

    <3 It gets better. My son is 24.

    1. Anonymous

      My son is 21 and it's not better yet for us. He is bigger and hits harder.

  8. Not a downer. Just reality. I remember so many times having to leave parties early when my son was younger. Hoping the best for today. All we can keep doing is trying with a plan b and plan c in mind.

  9. Anonymous

    Positive thoughts your way! I can relate, its the reality of our holidays with kids on the spectrum. Kyles blessed to have you guys as parents. I'll admit, your post made me tear up, its hit or miss when taking my four year old son to family dinners. Wishing you three the best! Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

  10. Anonymous

    Our kid is so much like yours.Autism, epilepsy, only child, the whole 9.
    We have to separate often during family gatherings, taking our kid for long drives and such. Is this an option if he goes? I hope that no matter what you do, it's a good day.

  11. Anonymous

    Positive vibes sent your way hope Kyle is in a better place today