Now Reading: Sunday Recap: I Need a Pack of Cigs & I Don't Even Smoke…

Sunday Recap: I Need a Pack of Cigs & I Don't Even Smoke…

Sun 7:18pm — Wifey’s upstairs watching what she likes to call “The Oscars Pregame”. The king & I are downstairs watching some Dora.

I’m not proud of it, but I gave him his evening meds & mel a bit earlier tonight cuz I just couldn’t take it anymore.

His manic breath holding with the sounds was just out of control today…and I need to not hear it soon…so he better go to sleep soon or I may need to go out for a pack of cigarettes soon…and I don’t even smoke… 🙂

On paper, the day was
great! We had some family over this morning for bagels & buns & coffee to celebrate my birthday 🙂

And then we took Kyle to his Sunday swim lesson at the Y and he did great. He jumped in off the board twice and seemed to swim with a purpose and noticed me in the bleachers a few times.

Then in the locker room after swim he was very happy & vocal (while holding his breath & not cooperating of course). Here’s some audio of us in the locker room this afternoon…

Then we had lunch in the Y cafeteria and he did great and ate a lot…

But the breath holding was a constant throughout the day today… And I just couldn’t handle it today…and there was a lot of yelling by yours truly…

I’m writing this sitting on one of his kiddie chairs in our downstairs bathroom with the door closed so I can avoid hearing the breath holding for a few minutes…

Hopefully he goes to sleep soon and I can regroup, watch a bit of the oscars with wifey, then watch Walking Dead and call it a night…

We’re supposed to get more snow tonight… and maybe Kyle’s school will have another delay or closing tomorrow…but I’m gonna make it to work no matter what… I think I’m better off, Kyle’s better off, and wifey’s better off if I remove myself from the situation tomorrow…

Ok, that’s all I got… it’s now 7:36pm and I guess it’s time for me to leave the bathroom and see if the mel has started kicking in…

Goodnight all…


(by the way, for you newbies… mel = melatonin)

Written by

Frank Campagna

I’m a 48 year old neurotypical dad with a 14 year old son with severe, non-verbal autism & epilepsy. I created this blog to rant about autism & epilepsy while celebrating my son who I affectionately call “the king” :-).

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21 People Replies to “Sunday Recap: I Need a Pack of Cigs & I Don't Even Smoke…”

  1. Anonymous

    Thank you for sharing the audio. That is exactly what my son did a couple years ago for a few months. I know it's tough to listen to. I think he stopped when a new stim took its place. Just wanted to say you're not alone, we can relate to all the feelings and stress of those particularly tough days. Keep taking time for you. And thanks for sharing your journey!

  2. Anonymous

    See if he can hold his breath while blowing bubbles, running or you pushing on his stomach. I'm amazed you can run long distances because I don't have the energy after dealing with my ASD daughter and having my wife cook dinner early kills my running time. Could Kyle run on a treadmill at least for starters? Would chewing gum be a substitute for holding the breath or just another annoying habit?

  3. It doesnt help. I smoked 2 packs a day (or tried to, light one, put it out, repeat) when my son didnt sleep, ever. And i spent 3/4 of my 22 hours a day restraining him so he wouldnt beat himself in the head or put his head through the wall. Seriously. But it is much better now. Only had to live like that for 2 years.

  4. OMG. It was so hard for me to listen to that. I can't tell you why, but my nerves are all on end. I wish I could offer more than trite words of encouragement. Hang in there. Keep your stick on the ice; we're all in this together. 🙂

  5. Hang in there you not alone

  6. Lily holds her breath. Usually when she's not focused on anything else. Not sure what she gets out of it. The relief of breathing once the breath has been held a certain amount of time? The pressure against her lungs? I think the only thing that bothers me about it is when she's about to go to sleep. If she's still holding her breath than I know she's not about to sleep. Once she starts breathing normally again I can tell she's on the verge. Where it gets irritating is when she's been awake, fighting sleep, holding her breath for what seems like way too long. Then I start losing patience.

  7. Would it be corny to offer a- "You're a trooper"?
    I dunno why some days their stims, their sometimes self-injurious, always incessant stims can, on a particular day become completely unbearable.
    But they often do and can really push us to our breaking points.
    But we love our kids and we do the best we can.
    I hope tomorrow will be better for you guys. 🙂
    Sleep well.
    I'm finally off to watch the much anticipated, Walking Dead myself.

  8. Mom to a star

    Today, as a single mom, I had a smorgasbord of emotions. Anger at my son's father (unresolved stuff), dissatisfaction/frustration with how much energy I have to give to my son and this leads to pockets of depression. So, I look up side effects of anti-depressants and think to myself I can go another day without it. Thank you, AD, for sharing your lives and I wish you a better day tomorrow.

    1. Anonymous

      The correct anti-depressant can really help and you may have no side effects. Best wishes.

  9. Anonymous

    My ASD grinds his teeth and no remedy can help. It drives my hubby and I nuts! Thanks for the honesty you show in your blog.

  10. Anonymous

    I hope your day goes better tomorrow, autism can be so completely overwhelming and it takes a toll on me everyday. Sometimes it's like it zaps a little bit more out of me each day. I'm happy for Monday cause it's bowling night, a break away from autism for a few hours.

  11. I wonder if he was wearing a snug band or those pressure vests if that would inhibit the stomach bloating and thus breath holding?

  12. Anonymous

    do you think it would make any difference if you said 'Breathe' to him and modeled a deep, slow inhalation and exhalation, maybe even putting his hand on your stomach as you breathe like this? or maybe you've totally tried that a jillion times already. just thought I'd put that out there.

  13. Anonymous

    Meltdowns and tantrums ALL weekend for different reasons….yup

  14. We did Mel early tonight too. Typing this while hiding in my room for a few before I lose my own mind while hubby deals with the kids. Sometimes parents need a timeout too!

  15. Anonymous

    Listening to him holding his breath was tough for me to hear, I don't know how you do it! I truly hope things get better in that department for you AD…


  16. Haha…I often weigh the pros and cons of where the cut off is for "how early is too early" for the little devil to go to bed! Will he wake up in the middle of the night? Will he get up at 5AM? Do I care what time he gets up if he just gets outta my hair right NOW! Yep I get it 🙂

  17. We all have those days. I know I've had more then a few with my 4 yr old autistic son. Your blog has helped me Alot to realize I'm not the only one who goes through this because for a while that is exactly how it felt. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.

  18. Crossing fingers your son goes to sleep a little early. Enjoy the walking dead.

  19. Hang in there, days almost over!!

  20. Hang tough AD, we all have our limits!