Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Autism Parents, There Are Other Parents Who Have It Worse Than Us Ya Know...














(originally written & published on September 4, 2013)


Ok, now with that blog post title you're probably thinking this is one of those blog posts where someone says "you should count your blessings" or "consider yourself lucky there are kids with other disabilities that are much worse off than our asd kids"

No this is not one of those posts.  I hate that sh-t.  I get that often when I vent and complain about autism, or when I lament the cognitive impairments that my son has.  People will comment that "dont complain I've got it much worse off...at least your kid is potty trained..."  or  "at least your kid can walk"

The autism mom who writes the Facebook Page Mutha Lovin' Autism said it perfectly when she wrote this on her page...
Whenever someone shares of themselves, they're just needing someone to validate them, laugh with them, cry with them....be there. What they don't need to hear is "at least your kid talks", "oh yeah, well you're lucky....my kid does ____", "just be happy you don't have to hear ____".
Somebody always has it worse or better. Always. In this community, we don't need someone making us feel bad for feeling ANYTHING that we feel. If you can't relate, just let someone comment that does. 
We need a safe place to share. Be careful not to ruin that for others.
I get that there's tons of things that could be worse about my kid, but it's my blog and it's about autism and epilepsy and when I feel like venting I vent.


I wrote this in a previous blog post...

Many of you have multiple kids and some have multiple asd kids and you hear old Autism Daddy bitching and complaining with only one kid and you're probably thinking 
"WTF?, what's he complaining about?  I've got it 5 times harder than he does"... 
To you folks I tip my cap and say, you win... you're obviously stronger than me... having one kid like Kyle is about all I can handle...so I'm weak and you're strong... I've only got 1 kid with asd and I'm on antidepressants...

So this is not what this post is about…

Here's what this post is about…


As many of you know my son starting having seizures in late May 2012.










After 3 days in the hospital bay in May 2012 I wrote this on my FB page...


MAY 23, 2013
Autism Daddy updated their status.
Wed 7:07am -- The king in the hospital for seizures, day 3. Today, most likely our last day here, brings on maybe the most difficult challenge... Keeping his majesty from eating or drinking anything between now and 2pm-ish when his MRI under anesthesia is scheduled for. I'm bracing for a long & torturous 7 hours.
:-(

And many people were OUTRAGED that they expected my autistic kid to have to wait til 2pm for his MRI!  How dare they?  They should make special allowances for him!  He can't go without eating!

And I responded a few hours later by writing this...



MAY 23, 2013
Autism Daddy updated their status.
I love you guys. You guys are so angry & outraged on my behalf. :-)
You guys are making me feel bad. Lol. Like I should be more mad than I am and screaming at the top of my lungs about my kid not having his mri til 2pm today and having to fast all day...but I'm really not, I really can't be.
.
Who knows who's already in front of us in line today and what their stories are?
And there's a helicopter landing pad right outside Kyle's room. What happens if some emergency car accident / brain injury flies in at 1:30pm?
What happens? We get bumped out of our 2pm slot. That's life. Then we take our lumps, lick our wounds... 
Our autism kids are special, yes, and you all know that I always play the "autism card" when I feel I have to (like at amusement parks :-) but this is one situation where my kid's situation and autism and seizures and not eating for 7 hours may not be as important as 50% of the patients here. 
They have a Ronald Mcdonald House attached to this hospital which leads me to believe that there's some very sick kids here with parents who have to LIVE here for weeks (or months).
This is one place where autism and epilepsy might not be anywhere near the top of the list... 
You know what I mean?

——————

Then in September 2012, Kyle had hernia surgery and was sent home from the hospital same day and I wrote this…



As we left I had a moment that really put things in perspective. We were at a children's hospital. And as we were walking to the car with the king and 2 bags of supplies for the 7 hours we were there (iPad, books, clothes, water, etc) there was a mom & dad walking near us in the parking lot.  
The dad was carrying 2 small plastic bags and his wife said to him "I can't believe that's all we have for 7 weeks here.". And he said, "7 weeks?". And she said "Yep we were here 7 weeks to the day..." 
And all I could think is...Wow...A hernia surgery is nothing compared to whatever those folks had to deal with with their kid.  
And autism and seizures are probably nothing compared to whatever caused your kid to be in the hospital for 7 weeks.  
Really feel thankful and lucky right now.  
I'm sure that will go away in a day or two when Kyle acts dizzy or has what might be another silent / absence seizure. And then I'll be stressed and back to my usual "woe is me..." 
But for right now I feel thankful & lucky....


————


And then just this week I wrote this while waiting outside Kyle's neurosurgeon's office…

Tues 12:19pm -- Successfully playing "The A Card" with Kyle's neurosurgeon's office.
He has a 12:30pm appointment. We were shockingly 25 minutes early. We parked, I called the office and said "we're here, any chance of getting in early cuz as you know Kyle has autism and waiting rooms can be torture for him" 
No way to get in early (of course) in fact the dr was an hour late and there's 3 patients ahead of us... 
But they took my cell phone number and will call us when he's next! So we're all sitting comfortably in the minivan. Me in the drivers seat writing this, Kyle in the middle row watching Dora and eating Cheerios, and wifey in the third row catching some zzzzs.

 And many people were outraged that he was running an hour late. A few people suggested I let Kyle run wild in the waiting room, put on the full autistic show for them, that'll teach them!  and watch how quickly you get to the front of the line after they witness an asd meltdown.

And I wrote back saying...

Guys, he's a neurosurgeon. 2 weeks ago Kyle was having surgery at this time on a Tuesday. Maybe a brain surgery went long?

Now here's my point. Here's what this post is about.

Y'all know I got no problem playing the a card. I play it at amusement parks, I got the handicap parking placard, and just Tuesday I used it at the dr's office.

But I will readily admit that both dr's offices and hospitals are different. They are 2 places that very often our autistic kids shouldn't come first.










Sometimes the typical looking kid sitting next to your asd kid in the doctor's office could have a much more pressing emergency than your kid...maybe he's not typical at all...maybe he looks typical but has cancer or lupus or tons of other things...

or maybe he is typical but just has the flu...and your asd kid is just there for a checkup.

So while your kid having to wait might cause him to have an absolute meltdown and ruin his (and your) whole day... medically the flu beats a checkup (and meltdown) so all things being equal the flu kid should see the dr first.

An all out meltdown is horrible...trust me, I know...but it's really nothing medically...it is a behavior.

and the idea that we should let our kids melt down in the dr's office just to teach the dr's staff a lesson or to force our way to the front of the line is ludicrous...and it's cruel to our ASD kids. In my opinion, if you know you can avoid a meltdown you avoid one at all costs.

Basically just because our kids have autism doesn't mean that we can always manipulate their situations to our benefit.

And now that Kyle has epilepsy the same holds true. We were at the neurosurgeon's office on Tues.  Kyle had surgery to implant a VNS device in him 2 weeks back to hopefully help reduce his seizures.

It was a tramautic experience for Kyle and for mom & dad. It is surgery after all...but in the grand scheme of things it's probably the easiest procedure of this surgeon's week.

So as we are sitting in his office (after sitting in our car) and as it's now 90 minutes late for our appointment and I look around the waiting room and start thinking. "This guy is a pediatric neurosurgeon. So every kid in this waiting room has a situation that might require surgery, most likely brain surgery. That is HEAVY SHIT!"

And yes I know they might be typical kids who after this surgery will lead happy typical lives while I've got autism & epilepsy on my son's plate probably for the rest of his/my life but right now in that moment in the waiting room they're problems are equal to or probably worse than my son's problems...and the look of worry on their parent's faces beats the look of worry on my face.

And why was this neurosurgeon running 90 minutes behind schedule?, why did he show up an hour late?  I was right...because he was performing brain surgery and there was a complication and the operation took an hour longer than scheduled.


But Kyle's pediatrician is always making us wait too damnit!  :-) …but you know why?  Because he never says no to us... When it's an emergency he almost always says "bring him right in"…

So when we have a scheduled appointment for a checkup and we he takes us 45 minutes late I think about all the emergency cases he probably snuck in before us.

So the next time you are in a dr's office or god forbid a hospital and you've been waiting a while and your ASD kid is starting to meltdown, take a deep breath and look around the waiting room and think about all the stories behind those faces and think where does my kid's situation rank?

----


Ok I'm gonna end it there.  I haven't written one of these long rambling blog posts in a long time.  I hope I made sense…  :-)

Over & out…

THE END!
-- If you're gonna shop Amazon anyway, can I ask that you enter Amazon by using the search box above or by going to http://www.amazon.com/?tag=a050ef-20  This way I can make a little money to help pay for my son's after school & weekend therapies.  This blogging thing has been awesome & life changing for me... but I must admit that it's taking up a lot more time than I ever thought... so if I can make a few bucks it'll make it easier for me to justify....Love you all! Thanks!!



45 comments:

  1. Applause, applause from an autism mama that has, too, pulled that A card. Thanks for putting it into perspective.

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  2. Yep. That is how I feel about it. I am that long patient that comes in with a list. I am willing to wait for others because others will have to wait for me.

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  3. That is a beautiful, wise and thought-provoking post. Thank you so much, you are a credit as a parent.

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  4. As someone who worked almost 20 years in medicine before becoming an autism mommy I salute you! Well written, AD!

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  5. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in our lives and forget there are worse things than having a kid on the spectrum. A wonderful reminder to pause and consider the situations around us before reacting.
    Thank You

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  6. When I go to the playground w my son sometimes I feel woe as us...why cant he enjoy it like everyone else. I feel unlucky. But when I visit him in his school and I see his classmates w feeding tubes in wheelchairs etc etc I feel like we are SOO lucky!! So it is always just a matter of perspective. Good post!

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  7. You are one helluva autism daddy - p e r s p e c t i v e ...... puts things in a whole new light! What we sometimes try to teach others - how we would love our kids to do something naughty for example, we forget ourselves (as so well) written above. Thak you for the much needed reminder! May you and Kyle have a melt free day tomorrow!!!!

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  8. Awesome f'n post dude! You got it! Thanks for putting it all out there. You are helping me keep my sanity with my ASD little guy. Keep it up!

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  9. Seriously Laughed Out Loud at the "Outraged on my behalf" comments. Classic. Oh ifI could just get this condensed into letterhead somehow, I'd totally pay you for the rights to use it on my correspondence. LOVE!

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  10. So very well put. It's all about perspective. And it is all about a time and a place. Sometimes there is a time and a place where we need to vent or get our child through the moment. Then there are times we need to count our blessings because well we are doing better today than we were yesterday or the day before. Thanks for sharing this. Very well put.

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  11. My brother had a brain tumor, so I'm all too familiar with the neurosurgeon - and trust me, when your family member is on that operating table, you want that surgeon's full attention and not to be worrying about getting back to the office on time.

    I think you made a great call by waiting it out in the car. Perfect compromise. So yeah, waiting is tough for our kids. But life can be tough for others too.

    Very well said.

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  12. Excellent. One year into our Autism journey, I had a similar awakening. I was going through the typical feeling-sorry and why-me phase, when we enrolled our son in a preschool early-learning program. I was pissed that we couldn`t use the carpool line since M. couldn`t get himself out of his seatbelt and open the car door, leaving us to park & walk / me carry him. I got chewed out for parking in the Principal`s spot one morning, because I basically thought the world owed that to me, and the Principal is a d*ck for not agreeing. But then I saw one of my son`s classmates and her mother. The little girl had severe CP, in a powered chair. Nonverbal, limbs contracted, incontinent. And every day, her mother arrived, parked, got the chair out, and lifted this girl of about seventy pounds out of the van, into the chair, and drove the chair to the front door. By herself, rain or shine, every day. After seeing this Mom doing this for a few weeks, I kicked myself in the rear for being such a whiny ass and once again saw our life as blessed.

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  13. Very well put. My daughter who is now 23 has asd and I agree with you about what you just said. I don't think it could have been said any better.

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  14. Preach it brother!!

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  15. As a mom with terminal cancer AND 2 asd kiddos, 1of whom has had 7 brain surgeries, I thank you from the depths of my heart for this post.

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    Replies
    1. Here is a gentle cancer treatment

      Here are the results.
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      Here is the science.
      http://alternativecancer.us/effectivity.htm
      Here's what happened when they tried to test it.
      http://alternativecancer.us/testr.htm#Pharmacology

      Delete
  16. Great post. I've had meltdowns in doctor's offices and on a few occasions this has led to accommodations, but then again, a meltdown is not something you willfully do. Therefore, I didn't like the comment about "letting your child have a metldown", as if it's something they do because of entitlement. I try y best to realize that I may not be the most urgent case in the waiting room.

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  17. WOW!! Is this me writing this? I'm going to have to read the whole blog now! Thank you for writing what I feel also!! We also have Epilepsy and ASD but the epilepsy came first.

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  18. So very true - its hard to think - it could be worse at the moment, but it could be...you just never know - someone out there has it worse than us and we, just, well - we have to deal with it.

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  19. Well said. Nothing more to add coz you nailed it. :)

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  20. Well said! My wife and I have often said many of the same things. On our daughter's worst day, while its hard to handle, its nothing close to what we would be dealing with if she had something life threatening.

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  21. great post, thx for this reminder that, no matter the circumstances, it's always important to keep things in perspective.

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  22. I have two on the spectrum, moderate to severe depending on the moment you encounter us. Son talks, daughter has difficulty with verbal expression. My son has severe, full-body vitiligo, which is an equal opportunity conditions that allows everyone on the planet to stare at him like he is a freak. He also has Hashimoto's Disease. We live near one of the best hospitals in America, the UCLA Pediatric Care Center. We go there often for his conditions. While there, I often feel blessed that aside from the ASD and the other conditions we deal with, that it could be a far more demanding and less hopeful experience in comparison to the reality of a lot of the other children and paretns who are there for other treatments. It's all relative, you know?

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  23. It amaze me just how many asd parents feel their fight is the only fight and all should be so concern really !! why ?? some double talk like asd is not a handicap put yet some use the handicap parking sticker ?? some insult people but yet you don't want others to insult your child really !!some insult teachers & medical staff as if you can't take your child out of school and home school or pick another Dr. Believe it or not your problems is not everyone's problem. Most of you have often said you love your child as they are as you should just stop expecting all to want to be hit kick spit on and find the joy in changing a school age child body waste in a school and who would want a person touching their school age child in that way ? some use asd as a excuse to be rude take cuts in line etc... Your child your problem deal with it.

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    Replies
    1. There are plenty of other medical problems and major things wrong with the world but these issues are being dealt with other people on other websites on the Internet. If you think autism is a big deal on a national scale, you should realize it’s only of moderate importance to the federal government as it’s 102 out 235 Total Number of Research/Disease Areas for the NIH http://report.nih.gov/categorical_spending.aspx. Home schooling is out for a lot of folks some of us still need a thing called money to survive unless you’d care to pay for us to live on/off welfare, free housing, EBT cards and other goodies. My family is dealing our daughter’s autism but unfortunately we also have to deal with you and people like you. Yes, my 3 year-old daughter has her diaper changed at school because the alternative of doing nothing is worse. Hope you enjoy waiting in line with my kid when she lets loose.

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    2. My child, my problem? Someday, when you are old incontinent, feeble, suffering from dementia perhaps and unable to do things for yourself, you will be the problem. How will you deal with it? Compassion and empathy, my friend, compassion and empathy.

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  24. I'm not an autism mom, I'm a ABA therapist. So I'm around autism moms and dads. My daughter was born with Heterotaxy ( an very serious syndrome of organ placement anomalies). My daughter's insides are not located where they should be and is left scarily immune compromised. Her original diagnosis was not to expect her to reach 5 years of age. It's actually much more complex. I was chatting with an autism mommy with a speech delayed 5 year old that I was working with. We were sharing war stories about getting help for our kiddos ( no matter what the special need is for a child, moms and dads have to be warriors). And when I informed her about my daughter's life expectancy and complex anatomy her response to me was," At least you can talk to your daughter." My instant thought was," My daughter has a possibility of dying from an overwhelming systemic infection and your response to me is 'at least you can talk to her'." But she was right, at that time there was no talking to her son. But at least it was something for them to strive for. Anyway, (talk about rambling LOL) your blog really put things in perspective for me. I just want to mention, I am still working with that 5 year old. He's now 6 1/2 and talking up a storm! =-)

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  25. Logically I know it could be worse but if someone who has a healthy kid says that to me I feel like they're minimizing the pain of autism. having to worry about who will take care of child when you're too old or dead is depressing as hell. having said this..I also have a child with a rare illness that causes multiple complications including tube feeding at home making us feel like caretakers as well as parents. we go to a children's hospital often and we do see worse cases than ours, at least in terms of visible disabilities .

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  26. We have twin boys with Autism both relatively severe. I find a lot of griping tends to make me focus on what is and not what can be, although I have plenty of days of self pity. However, nothing bugs me more than talking to my Mom about a particularly hard day and she will compare the experience to something that happened to one of my brother or sister's typical kids experience. She'll say, "yea, Joey pooped his pants too the other day," and I have to say he is 3, my boys are 10! And to the post two above three above this one. KMA, it's complicated...

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  27. Very, very well said. Sure we, parents of Autism, have it pretty tough and some more than others. But as I tell my verbal children, not too often, but enough...

    Patience is a virtue... develop it!

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  28. I was looking for a blog like yours. I don't have an autistic child ...and also don't want one with Autism. Instead our daughter has a physical disability with symptoms of Cerebral Palsy. But she doesn't have palsy. Instead she has a cyst within her spine. So her disability mimicks Cerebral Palsy. Anyway, she's okay. And, yup, I would change her. So I would want her to not have a cyst in her spine.

    Also your blog about Autism is just honest. I get really annoyed with parents who want to look nice or as "good" people to other adults. So they will go on and on about being okay with Autism and that the world of other people have to change and completely not be bothered with Autism and with all the very stressful behaviour that Autistic kids do. I honestly think that if Autism were okay, then why are we doing campaigns and demanding funding to treat or cure Autism? So really all the adults just want their kids to be normal ...even though the word "normal" is a taboo word in positive parenting for us to say out loud. Really, in the case of our daughter, she deserves to be normal. Instead she has to live with a permanent disorder. In her case, a cyst that affects her leg muscles. If the cyst can be cured, then she deserves that. But instead she will cope. And support for her to cope or to do the best that she can is the next best thing.

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  29. Great post. Our youngest son has ASD. Yes we wait awhile at his pediatrician but our son responds so well to his doctor that I don't mind the wait. Yes he has had meltdowns there but I deal & go on. Once the doctor comes in he is fine & does great with him. So that's why I deal. This was a really great post.

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  30. It can be real easy to be so wrapped up in your struggles that you lose that needed perspective. We have a 8 year old son on the spectrum who we kind of had to relegate to second banana while his younger brother fought cancer for almost 4 years. Yet, we liked to tell people that we considered ourselves lucky in a way. Our son's autism has been relatively high functioning, verbal, can handle change in routine (there was a LOT of that in the early days of his brother's treatment), etc. His younger brother, right up until the last couple of weeks of his life, was able to be at home, get out a lot, was mobile (even walking after a hip removal surgery), alert, talking, even went to school, etc. We had (still have) a wonderful cadre of friends and family who supported us through our struggles with autism and cancer. There were people we met through those times when we were at the hospital, clinics, doctor's offices, etc, who's situations were far worse.

    As my wife put it once..."No one wins the 'Who's life sucks worse' game...everyone just ends up feeling like crap."

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  31. Wow. I don't think I've ever heard it put better. My middle son is going through some tough times with changing schools an probably puberty,(shudder) and he's having meltdowns like never before. But you are right. It can always be worse. Charlie could have a tumor. Or any number of other things. My wife and I endure and try to find a way to cope. Good luck with "The King".

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  32. I have been on both sides of the coin. My son has craniosynotosis and has had 5 major surgeries to correct it. While waiting for his secound surgery when he was not even two yet and not knowing his odd behaviors were in fact Autism, a mother was trying to pull her card in appropiayely. Her son was screaming and crying and banging his head on the floor. She asked if there was any way they can bump surgeriez around so her son could have his surgery before the child ahead of him. That was my child. I understood bow she felt, but my son was having major skull surgery. He had not eaten in hours and he was smaller. They asked her what kind of surgery he was up for. She said they were going in to look at a shunt but in this case it required a one hour surgery start to finish. My son was having a five hour surgery. They kindly told her they did surgery according to age, who is worse. Off. And lenght of surgery. Zhe got ticked and said dont blaim her if her child tore the waiting room apart. I smiled when the recepfionist said this is a childrens hospital ma'am, we are used to things being torn apart. Your child is not the first Autiztic child we ever had in here snd certainly not the most severe one. Her son at the moment had calmed bimself and was rubbing a warn stuffed animal war and sucking his thumb. He soon fell asleep.

    I havd been in her shoes though and almost willing to hold up the world so I did not have to wIte in a waiting room while my son reRranged the whole place and condencending eyes were on me to control my brat. I tried my best but he was Autistic and once he got upset he was hard to control. But I have only payex the A card a hand full of times because believe me, I knew what it was like for the parent finely finding out for the veryfirst time what was gping on with her babies mishaped head. Waiting any lonher than you have to can be nerve racking.

    Thanks AD for putting it all into prespective.

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  33. You are great for putting it in perspective. I sometimes feel woe as me bc the difficulties I have with my verbal asd son. There is always someone that has it better and someone that has it worse. Everyone's personal trials seem like the hardest of all becaise they are your personal trials. I agree to not have my child meltdown at all cost. The less meltdowns the better. It is somber to think of all the children at the neurologist. With Autism, it is something we are challenged with everyday, but cancer is so unsure of what could happen to your child. I hope for the best for all those angels and their families suffering from disease, living in the hospital. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your life with us. It is always inspiring to know we are not alone in our struggles no matter how big or small.

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  34. Well said. I wish someone would say this to my sister. Her 5 year old has Cerebral Palsy & Epilepsy. She is forever playing the 'my child is more disabled than your child' card, especially with me. Ok so in the grand game of Top Trumps 'Disabled Child' game my son only has Apsergers, Dyspraxia & Hypermobility but it doesn't make her attitude right. She has been known to do it to a friend of ours whose child is far more disabled than both of ours. It shames me. But I have learnt not to play her game and to focus on what my son can do. I also know that I am very lucky. My husband works with children with life limiting conditions and complex care needs. We have just the tip of an iceberg compared to some of his patients. I thank god every day that the worst I have to deal with is a meltdown. That I can deal with, not so sure if I am strong enough to have anything else.

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  35. I don't have kids and I'm fairly healthy. My rule for the doctors office is "always bring a book" Jodie McG.

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  36. Thank you- your article is great and hopefully will make some think. I sat at the hospital with my son (not on the spectrum but there for another reason) and when he and my mother got tired of waiting to be taken in after an hour past our surgery time I told her if it was my son in there dont you want them taking all the time they need to make sure he is ok- I will happily wait since when my son is on the table i want to make sure he gets the treatment he needs- there were way worse patients- all in how you view it

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  37. My son is unilateral severely hearing impaired and needing sign supported communication and hearing aid. He is having Autism and Tourettes syndrom and gets medical treatment for his severe tics.... My daughter is "just" having Asthma and is Toe-walking and is getting physical therapy once a week + home training every day - they (the medical team around my daughter) is now talking about her having plasticity in her leg and she might have CP...

    In our home, we normally say its my husband who is the outsider, the weird one, cause he is without diagnoses. And when people around us finds out about our medical situation, the normal respond is, that they feel sorry for us. - But sorry for what? I have the most fantastic family and awesome kids..... But we learn to focus on the things we CAN do! And when it comes to medical treatment and waiting at the Dr.Office, its just a thing the kids need to learn to deal with - I couldn't agree more with you Post, its so wonderfully written!

    I myself is a nurse and have worked on a children oncology ward, so that puts my own kids health issues in perspective! - I now work at the local hospital, but I cant work more then 2 days a week. Not because of my kids issues, but because of my own - I'm born 7 weeks premature, having a severe congenital heart condition - have had open hearth surgery 3 times and is depending on life prolonging surgeries approximately every 10th year. I have Scolioses and have had surgery where my vertebrates is fused together. I got general hypermobility that has caused me to get hypermobility-syndrom. I have severe asthma and allergies... and we are suspecting I myself is having Aspergers syndrome....

    So even my son understand he have to wait and is bringing a book and his earmuffs when we go to his checkups... It's all about perspective!

    (hope its understandable and without to many gramma problems, since English isn't my 1st language)

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  38. I love it. When I worked as an ABA therapist I would hear over and over again how they wished their kid had Asperger's because life would be so easy. Except I went home to two kids with Asperger's and it wasn't easy - just different. Sunday at church I put the A word out there so someone would understand why I was using reinforces to get my child to attend class. Mostly I brush it off, but today I pushed. Yes my daughter looks typical but her anxiety stops her in her tracks, and she has to continually learn how to navigate in the world, which means a change in class schedule can knock her on her behind. There is someone else who is a single parent of four kids on the spectrum. Does that trump my three special kids? Does it matter? I try and help her when I can. just like other's try and help us out. That is what it is all about!

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  39. But you do have it hard. Damn hard. Don't forget that. You have it harder than someone like me and I admire all parents of kids with special needs. I say feel sorry for yourselves when you want to and treat yo self accordingly!

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  40. Years ago when I was dropping my autistic/developmentally delayed son at his daycare I saw another special needs parent strapping his son into a special wheelchair and my heart filled with pity for the family. I then noticed that pity directed back at me from the father as my son went into one of his let's start the day off with a full-blown fit. Yep. It's all relative. And I guess we do get what we can handle, even though we'd rather be doing anything but.

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