Wednesday, December 28, 2011

My Experiences w/ Antidepressants: Special Needs Parents Sometimes Need Help & That's OK







(originally written and published on December 28, 2011)





As parents of kids with autism it's easy for us to get stressed & depressed and it's often hard to put yourself first and admit you need help and to seek that help out.  It was definitely hard for me, but a few years back I made a move that changed my life for the better...  This is my story...   :-)

It was December 28, 2009 that I had enough and worked up the nerve to call my doctor and admit that I needed an antidepressant .   My main symptom?  I was tired all the time...

I didn't think I was depressed, but I was TIRED ALL  THE TIME. I was always negotiating with the wife for naps...

I would go to my yearly checkups the previous few years saying why am I always tired and the dr would say, there's nothing physically wrong with you. You are healthy.  But he would always say "how are you guys doing? I know you are dealing with alot with Kyle's autism & all. Let me know if you ever want to try anything.". And I'd always say "I'm fine... just always tired..."

But thinking back I was more than just tired.   I was in a funk quite often.  I would come home from work most days in a good mood and would say to myself, no matter what happens stay in this good mood. Then I open the door, see the wife yelling at Kyle and/or cleaning up a mess he made and I'd be right back in my funk.

So during the Christmas week of 2009 after begging my wife for an afternoon nap I started researching antidepressants.  I went on websites like crazymeds.com and askapatient.com and found out that almost all antidepressants have sleepiness / drowsiness as a side effect and lack of sex drive.   I was tired enough already. I couldn't have lethargy and decreased libido on top of it.











The only antidepressant  that didn't was bupropion, brand name Wellbutrin.  It was the only one that had energy and increased libido as a "side effect.". That sounded great to me!  On these patient review sites people also claimed it made them more organized and helped them concentrate better. Of course if you read enough, there was plenty of negative reviews / comments, but less than many of the other antidepressants I researched....

I never had any fear or shame about taking antidepressants. The hardest part for me was making the call to my doctor. My general practitioner is the coolest. I called him on 12/28/09 and told him exactly what I wanted to try and with no hesitation he...


wrote out the prescription for bupropion.  No visit to a shrink or a psychopharmacologist...   I don't need to talk to anyone. I know why I'm depressed. My only kid has severe autism, my dad has Parkinson's and it runs in my family, and so it may be coming my way...   I could go on, but that's enough to write out the prescription right?   :-)











I started taking small does the next day and slowly gradually worked my way up to the full dose. And it did, for me, exactly what I needed it to do. It gave me more energy, more patience, and let me roll with the punches better.  I am still me, but a calmer, less intense, slightly more organized me.  Plus it increased my sex drive...  :-)

For the first few weeks, I gotta admit, I felt like SUPERMAN!  Maybe I wanted it to work so much that I willed it to work cuz it's not supposed to work that fast...  But a few months in I leveled off from Superman to a much happier Clark Kent...

One of the things it helped me with is thinking about why I'm doing something. Unbeknownst to me before going on the drugs I was notorious for dragging the wife down into my funk.

Perfect example... If I drove Kyle to school in the morning and hit alot of traffic, without even thinking I would call the wife as I was driving to work after and BITCH and MOAN about the f--king traffic!  Why would I do that?  Why did I need to drag her down into my shitty morning?

Another example is, I would always encourage her to have nights out with her friends but while she was out I would shoot her a text complaining that he's not asleep yet...or bitching about something he did?  Why would I do that?  Why would I ruin her night out?Being on the drugs helped me take a step back and see what a jerk I was being.  

A few months after being on the Wellbutrin my wife was out with some mommy friends and Kyle puked everywhere!  My first instinct was to text the wife to inform her. The I thought, why?  So I cleaned it up as best I could and when she texted later to check in I lied and said everything was fine... Why ruin her night?  She'll find out when she gets home...give her that extra 90 minutes of bliss...

Same thing with Kyle.  I would get crazy at night if the king wouldn't fall asleep on my timetable. Lots of yelling and stress by me. Now while on the drugs, I just think "he can't help it that he's not tired... That's not his fault..."

Also after being on the drugs for a few months I realized how lazy I had become and how much of a procrastinator I'd become in EVERY aspect of my life.  My wife would ask me to get Kyles toothbrush and my brain would automatically calculate how difficult that would be.  In my brain I'd be thinking "I have to go upstairs!? and then rummage thru the medicine cabinet?!   Ugh!" My brain did that for almost everything! Changing a light bulb was an ordeal... WTF?!  That's no way to go thru life!!

The other thing I realized after being on the drugs for a few months is how much I used to dread the weekend activities the wife had planned for Kyle. He's our only child so it's fair and reasonable that both mom and dad could/ should be there most of the time for his special needs gym, swim, music, etc on the weekends, but I would do everything in my power to get out of it....and if I was there, I was tired....and moaning... And the wife would want throw another activity or two on top of these activities and i would always complain." You want to go shoe shipping for Kyle after we've been out for 3 hours already...  ok, but I'm gonna need a nap when i get home..."

These are just a few random examples of how the drugs helped me... But there are tons more...

Now I know you're all thinking that I sounded like a complete jerk before the drugs...but I wasn't... I'm still me...  Not to toot my own horn, but I've always felt that I'm better than most dads and ALOT better than most asd dads...even before the drugs....   As I said before, once i got out of the "I feel like superman" phase the Wellbutrin really just helped level me out....opened my eyes to some jerky things I was doing.... And made me a better me...

Most people besides my wife probably wouldn't even notice the slightest difference... but the difference in my mind is profound.... And it has helped me immensely...  I mean I still get depressed and I get in funks, but they are not as deep and don't last as long...which is good cuz we've been thru alot this year...

Anyway that's my little white pill story...  I'm hoping that a post like this might help take some of the stigma and embarrassment and nervousness with trying an antidepressant away for some of you...  And I'm not saying that bupropion/Wellbutrin is exactly what you need or will do for you what it did for me....  But do your own research on crazymeds.com & askapatient.com and see what you think will work for you...and then work up the neve to ask your doctor...

Most of us autism parents are in this for the long haul so ANYTHING that can make it easier/ better in important in my book!

Good luck!







-- If you're gonna shop Amazon anyway, can I ask that you enter Amazon by using the search box above or by going to http://www.amazon.com/?tag=a050ef-20  This way I can make a little money to help pay for my son's after school & weekend therapies.  This blogging thing has been awesome & life changing for me... but I must admit that it's taking up a lot more time than I ever thought... so if I can make a few bucks it'll make it easier for me to justify....Love you all! Thanks!!




69 comments:

  1. Good for you! It's better to be a happy healthy drug user than a non drug user who could be feeling better ;)

    Have you tried Ashtanga Yoga? You might only need to do the sun salutations (the first part of the sequence) - it's a very good anti-depressant and it makes you very healthy!

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  2. Wow. Sounds like my husband. Who will admit he gets depressed and not stick to any one thing to overcome it. But your stories of the phone call to share your traffic nightmare and the text while your wife is out sound all too familiar. I commend you for doing something about it and having the insight to step back and take a look at your behavior. Amazing.

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  3. I took Wellbutrin to quit smoking a while back. It made me feel friggen fantastic! I wish i could take it now lol but with no insurance its not an option unfourtunatlly. My problem is that I am on edge a lot, I have also taken on my sons issues like doing everything the same. The days my husband is home I feel insane and out of control because he is messing up my routine and i just become a huge bitch. I always end up feeling bad but at the same time i have all this anxiety about schedules and quiet time etc. Tlak to me 2 years ago and i was a free spirit who just went with the flow....im not sure what kind of anxious mess I have become lol

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  4. I too finally after having random crying spells went to my doctor and started taking wellbutrin....once the crying spells stopped I kinda stopped taking them.....only then did I realize how much they truly did help. Good for you for finding something that works for you. I plan to visit my doctor first of the year to begin to take them again.

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  5. Sign me up! Taking Lexapro now. May have to make a change! Thanks for this. I will pass this on to my hubby who doesn't think he needs any help.

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  6. I take Wellbutrin as well and finally feel like myself again. I had weight loss as a side effect (bonus!), but it hasn't increased my drive, sadly. Fortunately, it hasn't decreased either, but with all the stress of an asd lifestyle, I could certainly use the help. Lol.

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  7. I like to say, "If you had high blood pressure, you'd take blood pressure medicine. So what's the difference with this?" I'm not on Wellbutrin, but meds have certainly helped me. It's so hard not to feel ashamed though, like you're whimpy or something. But there is nothing wrong with taking antidepressants to help you cope. I've mentioned to my husband a few times that maybe he should consider it. Like you were, he's always tired, & he also can't figure out why he's always tired. He's had tons of tests done, and nothing's wrong, but yet he won't try it. Wish he would though.:)

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  8. Thanks for sharing this...I may ask my Dr. to let me try this medication..I took Paxil for awhile but find that it just numbs me...and makes me really tired..

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    1. My doctor says Paxil ought to be taken off the market, it has so many bad side effects. And it numbs you emotionally. Though there are times when you could need that, I think there are drugs that have less side effects that will do it.

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    2. Thank you so much for sharing this. Quick story about me. I have a 30 year old who was just diagnosed with ASD. I am raising her 2 kids (6, 10) whom I have adopted. 6 year old just had 2nd assessment for ASD, aso the 1st was inconclusive 2 years ago. I am positive this one will me MUCH more telling. I have been raising kids for 32 years (have a 32 year old son who is NT). 10 & 6 year old ADHD BIG TIME!
      In 2012, I made that call to my doctor. Diagnosed 3 years later with treatment resistant Major Depression.
      I have spent so much time researching and trying to find answers for my 30 year old. She has lived on and off streets, major psych issues with HOSP admissions. No one EVER thought ASD. when she was little the pediatric diagnoses of the month WAS ADHD. She was not hyper. Anyway, she is diagnosed now. For such a long time, I have had to watch from the sidelines, holding onto whatever I could to keep myself in her adult self-destructive life: to try and keep her safe somehow.
      In my research, I learned about the Cassandra Phenomenon or Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome as it relates to caregivers of someone with Aspergers or High Functioning Autism. Learning and reading this information was life changing for me. So, I am just throwing it out there. Maybe it can help someone else.
      Thank you again for sharing about your depression. Your message was refreshing and affirmative.
      Sour much for quick... I know.

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  9. I believe Depression and Anxieties/Phobias are highly involved with the Autism community. Yes, depression is definitely part of the road and if it's taking over, it's much better to get help. I'm more of a natural person myself and find that in this crazy world, we could all use some slowing down and relaxing time. Yoga and reading and a massage (touch) and connecting to your partner are also healthy things. You always have to "invest" in yourself. Look out for number one and what works for you!

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  10. Thanks for this post, it was the push that I needed to seek some outside help. I have been feeling overwhelmed, overstressed, and tired! Tomorrow is the day I finally go to the dr to ask for help in the form of "a happy pill." It's way overdue.

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  11. I'm crying right now just reading this. I'm the same way...I'm tired all the time (although I do have an underactive thyroid partially to blame for that), complain ALL THE TIME, and have so little patience. I manage to hold it together when I'm on my own with the kids, but I'm so stressed out. I'm close to going BACK on antidepressants myself.

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  12. Thank you AD for sharing this part of your life!! xo

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  13. Finally about 3 months I braved it to the doctors I was v embarrassed and worried I looked normal and she wld refuse to give me anything - I neednt have worried I burst into tears and was put on prozac and finally feel I can cope but downside is lack of sex drive (feel sorry for hubby bout this one)

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  14. You go Daddy! I too take my daily happy pill and probably wouldn't have survived parenting a child with a disability without. Not only is it good for me its good for my child as it assists me in being a better parent for her. No shame in my game!! Hugs and well wishes for a wonderful 2012.
    Michelle from Iowa

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  15. Wow that sounds like some of the stuff I've been doing on top of the worrying about gloom and doom stuff at night when its all quiet. I need to go for a check up anyway. Think I will talk to the Dr about this and see if it works for me.

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  16. Wellbutrin.....my miracle pill as well. What a difference it has made! :)

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  17. You were likely not imagining the rapid effect Wellbutrin had on you. When I tried to take it, it kicked in what felt like almost immediately. I had to stop taking it because I had a skin reaction to it, also almost immediately, but it did indeed make me "feel like Superman". Too much so, in fact, as I didn't sleep for 3 days straight! My magic little happy pill turned out to be Prozac, which doesn't 'make me happy' but rather takes the edge off bipolar type moods to a point where I am ABLE to create happiness in my life. I'm too afraid to stop taking it for fear I return to the awfulness that was before. I am so glad you found something that helped you! I have mixed feelings about your other post that pointed me to this one (the one about Autism, Parkingsons, and drugs) but as a parent, you do what you feel is right for your child, and there's never anything wrong with that!

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  18. I take Cipralex and dont think it works anymore because I get right pissed off like before I started it ,Guess I need something new :( Grr!

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  19. I am so happy to hear this from a male perspective. I take bupropion also(although I don't have the energy boost or increased libido:( ) but my family seems to think that just because I take meds means I'm not supposed to have a negative emotion. Antidepressants have such a stigma attached to them for some people so it's sad they never get the help they need. It can be so simple as a little pill!! Thank you!!

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    1. As much stigma as they have, it's nothing compared to that of pain medications. I'm allergic to aspirin products, morphine, most things that end in codone, and NSAIDS. Vicodin works great, it actually makes me a bit wired. But I couldn't take being treated like a criminal with an ankle bracelet by my own doctors. So some days the arthritis wins and I don't walk.

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  20. What a great post and I think it's awesome that you shared this. Every parent needs to take care of themselves so they can be there for their kids - emotionally and physically.

    I'm the editor of The Oxygen Mask Project blog (and Facebook page) and this is exactly the type of post that our readers need to read. Check us out first at www.oxygenmaskproject.com (or on Facebook). We'd love to share your post on our site. If you're interested, can you send us an email at oxygenmaskproject (at) gmail dot com?

    Thank you again for writing this with such an important message.

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  21. Better living through pharmacology! Different med than mine but my SSRI definitely improved my life by taking the jagged edges away. Wish I had made the med. move earlier.

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  22. Thank you for sharing that. Timing is perfect! Now if I can just get the hubby to read it....

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  23. It seems like fate reading your post. I weaned off Cymbalta 2 months ago (a HORRIBLE drug) due to side effects, and have been dealing with my son's autism bareback since then. Exercise, and meditation help, but the constant anxiety and low mood is always there. I was really reluctant to approach my GP about a different AD as I reckoned they must all have nasty side effects. Your post has educated me. Thank you. I will soldier on for another while, but on my next visit to my Gp I will be better informed XXX

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  24. Jean, I call Cymbalta The Drug from Hell. I had to join an online group of others weaning off it in order for me to get off of it. Worked fine, but felt like I had the flu for the 3 mos. I weaned off it.

    Autism Daddy, you have such great insights into yourself and a wonderful way of describing things. Hats off to you! My older son was put on Zoloft at age 12 for mild problems after a head injury. It made him severely psychotic! Hallucinating, hospitalized, etc. I had to take anti-depressants because I was crying and over-whelmed all the time. They are the only way I could get thru a day with any quality of life. Luckily he recovered, I'm off meds, I am happy as a clam. ~Zennifer

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  25. I am a mother of a child with asd I started wellbutrin as well...I am also going to start therapy and hopefully that will help with not projecting the stress of my child onto my significant other.

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  26. Your article really inspired me! Backstory: I have been married for 20 years we have 3 sons with severe Autism 18,16, and 13 and twin daughters that are 11 and typical. My 13 year old progressively lost all of his self help skills since May and was hospitalized and diagnosed with Catatonia with ASD for 12 days. He still isn't any where near recovered but were treating him and working on it. Anyhow I have been depressed for months for some reason this illness hit me like a ton of bricks. Much harder than all 3 of the boys diagnosis did all those years ago. Anyhow I just hadn't done anything to help myself and yesterday I read your blog and cried the whole way through, it was so realtable. This morning I went to see my Dr. he put me on Wellbutrin also (his suggestion) and I just took my first half dose, so positive thoughts this will do the trick and help me out of my funk. I appreciate you writing about your experience. No one understands Autism truly until you live it. This roller coaster of constant care and supervision is unimaginable to most people. I love my children dearly but the role of care provider is not for sissys!!!

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  27. I am sitting in a restaurant almost in tears. Where would I be in 5 years if I didn't read this. Thank you so much for sharing. I knew something was wrong but couldn't figure out what. I'd tell myself I was just lazy or disorganized and that I got sad because I'm lazy and ashamed of who I'd become.

    I am ringing my doctor as soon as I get in the car.

    Thank you so much and my kids will thank you too.

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  28. I am tired all the time. I'm so glad I read this.

    Thank you.

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  29. I'm on Zoloft and I love it! It helps me be less depressed and short-tempered. For those Dads who won't get any help, try buting them the book called "I Don't Want To Talk About It" (on Amazon). It's all about men and depression...

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  30. Dude, you talked me into it... the last sentence says it all.

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  31. Happy 3rd Anniversary! I too had 18months of anti depressants. My life hit the fan 08/09 - I struggled thru appointnents for Mark (Aspie), having my daughter 6weeks early & the death of my Nanna - after all this I began the tablets... I did wean myself off & now use regular exercise as my pick me up - my time. Thanks always for your insightful posts. You & your wife are truly blessed to have Kyle in your lives x Fiona x

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  32. I love your honesty. I started taking a small amount of Lexapro less than a year after my son's diagnosis and it helped for quite awhile but I think it's lost it's effect so my doctor just weaned me off it so now I'm on nothing. I probably should start something else. I used the Wellbutrin several years ago to try to stop smoking and while it decreased my cravings for a cigararette it made me feel like I was on crack or something! I wanted to clean everything in sight and I lost 5 pounds in a few days. Anyway I went right off it because I didn't feel normal. Maybe I was taking too high a dose maybe I should try again. Sorry to keep talking about my crazy experience here. I am just so glad that you have found something that works for you and makes you a happier guy! :)

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  33. I've been on anti depressents for years for the same reason. I couldn't eake up all i wanted to do was sleep. I've been asking my husband for years to take something. Instead he turned to other women on line. At 21 years I finally had the strength to say no more and filed for a divorce. I still loved him just wasn't going to put with his sh@! Anymore. After losing his career , his family especially our 2 typicals and the respect of those around him he hit bottom.. i once again told him to get help. He went to a new doctor (non military) she put him on Prozac. He is a totally different person. It is definitely the happy pill. He doesn't get so stressed out he's not yelling or scowling at people. Its been 9 months and things are going good. We made it to number 23 year he has a relationship with our 2 typs and he has finally stepped up and helps with our daughter who has autism. She's 15 now. Its been a long rode. There is nothing wrong with having presciption help. And if i told him to try yoga he would ask if i wanted his man card. Thats the special forces military in him.

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  34. Thank you for sharing, I wish I have courage to seek help and medication help. I am a single mom for autis boy, I just win the custody over my son, and starting new relationship I am scare people think I am crazy and unfit. while I am just so stressed and worry so much.

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    1. Its what you feel not others. You must take care of yourself

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  35. thank you for sharing im a single mom of a asd child and im am feeling the same way u was so im going to be talking to a dr real soon

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  36. Thankyou AD... I follow all of your articles b/c it is always blunt & honest. This one really helped me find answers to my depression. The hardest part was telling my hubby b/c he thinks that I am "Super-Mama", but truth be told I was about (3) seconds from phsyco, crazy, bi-polar,in your face, bitch!! Which I usually never have a problem with. However my husband does not deserve it. He is always in my corner. Now we are both taking Wellbutrin & are doing so much better with stress on so many different levels!Thanks again =)

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  37. www.drugawareness.org There are some natural products you could use without the side effects.

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  38. We've got 3 kiddos; two have autism, the youngest is just insanely hyper and interested in EVERYTHING. That Geek and I LOVE your blog.

    We're both on happy pills, too.

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  39. Reading your article, I could imagine myself writing it. Tired all the time. Days where I complain about the smallest things. Master Procrastinator. I often ask myself "Am I depressed ?". I always think no, because I`m generally a pretty happy guy, despite my circumstances. I don`t have crying jags, I dont turn to substances or other things to blot anything out, and I dont feel sorry for myself or expect others to. But your self-description sounds like I were describing me. As for my circumstances, I sometimes wonder why I`m NOT in the corner in the fetal position. We`ve been dealing with my son`s autism for six years. For the last three, this included making an enormous financial commitment to help him. We also have a neurotypical kindergartener. While walking this razor`s edge financially and working all the overtime possible, my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer 18 months ago, and has been undergoing weekly chemo treatments, and all the crap that goes with that. So I tend house, work with my son, raise my other child, work, handle all the finances including restructuring everything since the loss of my wife`s income and my inability to work overtime anymore, do all the shopping and errands, take my wife to all of her appointments...and care for my wife, who has to spend most days in bed. I sometimes think something is wrong with me for NOT being crushed under everything. Who the hell has to deal with a situation like mine - autism AND cancer ?!? I know I seriously need to get my health in order - I`m 40, smoke, eat like crap, live on sodas, don`t exercise, stress of course, and a history of heart disease in my family. I need to make lifestyle changes, but as you said, I don`t have the energy to exercise, don`t have the willpower to quit smoking, and have excuses for everything else. Wellbutrin is the one stop-smoking aid I haven`t tried - maybe it`s just what I need. Thanks for sharing your story :)

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  41. Uf, boy, how do I understand you... It took me three years to admit I needed an extra help, a pill-help. I'm on antidepressives too but I feel so much better since february. I don't cry ALL the time, I do not feel stupidly tired and making up a thousand excuses to rest or sleep a little more, I don't feel hangovers every morning. E feel me, the old me!
    I have (verbal) autistic twin girls. My life turned upside down on a twist and, though, I can always count with my husband's help, most of the time, it's me myself and I alone with the girls... No more superwoman things, I'm a mother and I needed extra help. That's it. I'm on escitalopram, a small light dose, but enough to help go along with all the things we're facing.

    Hope, strenght and tons of patiente for you all.

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  42. Reading your struggles makes me sad. I was autistic. I was also ADD and had anorexia. I am fully 100% recovered. I remember what it was like "in there" and I know what caused me to go "in there" and what brought me out. I just read where you are having surgery on Kyle in a short time for the seizures. I am responding because of that. I KNOW the cause and the cure of autism. The puzzle comes together perfectly. Let me give you one example. I would see things in pictures. Temple Grandin wrote that she saw things in pictures but in particles and that that was sensory overload. No. She doesn't know. What happens is that the sensory stimulus comes to us the same as it does to you but then we dissect the images into pieces and that causes the sensory overload. We (autistics) cause our own sensory overload. They have cause and effect mixed up. The overuse of the brain causes the seizures. The brain does not cause the autism. This is why seizures come on later. I would help you if you ask. Normally, I wouldn't offer you'd have to seek it out for yourself but the part about the surgery coming up tipped the scale for me. I had an autistic girl come to me about 3 years ago. She told me that she had had brain surgery for severe seizures a year prior. They removed part of her brain that had become scarred. She now was told that she needed to have another surgery because the seizures came back and were scarring another area right next to where the part was removed. She said that she could never turn her brain off. I explained what I knew about the cause of autism to her and asked her to try something different. I saw her again about a year later. She told me that she never had the 2nd surgery and that what I had told her was right on and that everything was going well with the seizures being gone and all the other symptoms were markedly improved and she was on her way to a full recovery.

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    1. Ok. I'll bite. I'd like your help. What should I do first?

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    2. Yes, me too! Can I email you? Thrilled for your progress! Hope all is well. M.C.

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    3. Let's not Confuse Cause and Effect.

      When you say people with Autism "Cause" their Own Sensory Overload...I have to call Full STOP.

      The Cause isn't Known. Period.

      The Effect that IS KNOWN is that the typical Neural Pathways are NOT typical for people with ASD. The areas and pathways you expect to light up in an orderly fashion are all over the map. What's More...each person with ASD studied this far has UNIQUE patterns.

      So, there is a Reason we don't yet know that the Neural Connections are not forming as expected, but do find other ways of connecting, which leads to the Processing issues we see.

      But it's not your own Fault. Nor is it something you can just Will to Cease. It's WAY more complicated that that.

      Best of luck to All. :)

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  43. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm currently on Wellbutrin and Lexapro and they have made SUCH a difference. My husband FINALLY admitted that he really needed some help, and called his doctor. It took him about five years. He's been on the medicine he's on (not sure what it is right now) for about two weeks at an increased dosage and we're already seeing a difference - less sleeping and lethargy, more energy and family involvement, and so on.

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  44. Oh, I forgot to add - our daughter has autism and epilepsy (severe, rare form called Lennox-Gastaut syndrome) and our son is also on the autism spectrum.

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  45. My son is high functioning asd. .. reading this made brought me back till last year when I too was feeling the same
    Mind you I was working full time and have two other children. .. and I worked from 8am till 10:30 pm with a three hour brake to go home feed the children till dad came home.my stress level was always high. .. I was about to take antidepressants until I decided to change my schedule... this worked for me... yet we feel the financial strain.... but you post makes me think of my husband... yes he worked evening four days a week... but he is always taking naps, always or complaining and he is short fused....and the thought of his only son being autistic does depressed him. .. and the more I read about depression the more I realize that he might just be....but he is a macho man, and I wouldn't even know how to bring up the subject with him. ... any clues or ideas... ? I always thought that perhaps I was the one that needed... but I cam stay calm in most situations and I don't feel tiered all the time. .. but he does... sometimes he can spend most of the weekend sleeping. .. and the financial aspect of living with a child with needs. .. is getting to him... please let me know how you would of liked someone to approach you when you were in that state... because his attitude affects all of us at home... someday its like walking on egg shells ( he is not violent , just get up set real fast.)

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  46. Husband and I are both in the happy pill gang, we have 3 kids.1 age 9 who is fine. 1 age 8 with PDD-NOS and our youngest age 3.5 was diagnosed ASD just over a week ago. she is low functioning, non verbal. being a full time working mother and home life just go too much. Not feeling the full benefits of the happy pills yet. Love reading your blogs and FB updates, makes me realise we're not alone.

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  47. Thank you for sharing this. Very much .....

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  48. At this time it sounds like Movable Type is the preferred blogging platform out there right now. (From what I've read) Is that what you're using in your blog?
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  49. Curious. I am as against pills as all get out and have always tried to go the natural rout. And I am always tired, but I thought it was because my son is on the go all day and the other one has an anxiety disorder. HM. Will have to check that out. And even though I sometimes take sleep aides, I am always tired.

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  50. First time I am reading this and could not agree more. I suffered for a while which made everyone else suffer. I did not have much luck on bupropion but did on fluoxetine. The only thing is that I can say it is not a happy pill but more of a even keel pill. Yes, you will have bouts of energy that make you "superman" but like you said, it will be more Clark Kent over time and that is the right place to be. I hope it is still working for you. And nobody should ever be ashamed. Our chemical makeup sometimes require it. If you had diabetes, you would need insulin. Plain and simple our bodies sometimes need a little more to help us.

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  51. Thank you for sharing this. I am a Mom with Asperger's and my son has Asperger's as well. I have tried, "every" antidepressant and most recently Abilify (which made me gain a ton of weight). I just weaned off of it and feel very, very depressed. Will be seeing my psychologist soon hoping for a solution. Your blog almost makes me want to try Welbutrin again (tried it years ago).

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  52. Good for you :) You let other ppl know it's ok :) Hugs from another autism momma on the same meds.

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  53. Omg......this made me cry. Tears of saddness but also tears of happiness, just to know there is someone else out there that feels this way. It was like I wrote this myself. While my child is only diagnosed w/ ADHD, I am well aware that is only part of his issues. It is soo hard to find a counseler/psyciatrist for a 5 year old. I am beyond frustrated. I don't have to go any further, because obviously you know what's its like. Everyone keeps telling me "he's a boy. He's little." I am, or was sooo very anti medication. But there comes a time when you know there is something else going on. Thank you so much for this, really. I have only one friend who understands what I feel day to day and she is the one that led me to reading this. My son is the most wonderful little boy in the world and aside from the ADHD......God gave me him for a reason, that is all :)

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  54. I am with you thanks to my Dr working with me and your blog just helps confirm it thanks

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  55. Taking an anti-depressant if you truly suffer from depression is no different than taking a statin medication for high blood pressure - my therapist says this time after time. No one should ever feel guilty or like a failure if they decide to take medication.

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  56. I am an ASD parent.... thank you for you're honesty and your candidness. I read your blog regularly and I would love your energy and dedication. You Sir are truly a man amongst men!

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  57. Valium does wonders for me when I truly need to take it. I have had it for the last 6 years and counting. I love the way you worded it as "Happy Pills"

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  58. Thank you for sharing your experience. I got antidepressants from my doctor today. It really is hard looking after a child with ASD. I really hope these pills help me cope with things better. I read your blogs and Facebook posts daily. It makes me feel I am not alone. Thank you again. You have really made a difference

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  59. I don't take "Happy" pills, but I do smoke a little pot at the end of rough day.

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  60. Thank you. I am considering antidepressants to help me cope with the daily challenges of raising a special needs child.

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  61. Welbutrin helps me be Less Likely to make things Worse by having my own negative reaction when having the emotional drill of my son's agonized screams and frustrations driven into my shell shocked mind.

    I have never felt BETTER due to Welbutrin. But if I don't take it regularly, I catch myself being a Jackass for No Reason. Cumulative stress and no end in sight is insanely unhealthy.

    And let me be perfectly Honest. I've thought many times about the Insurance Trade Off for my Life.

    Welbutrin helps me stay out of that Circle of Failure, Anger, Regret and further Sadness.

    Weed makes a nice short Vacation too. But your mileage may vary. With the Noise Cancelling Headphones and some good Music, I can read and post online without hearing the problems happening around me in our small house during those times when I am OFF DUTY for a little bit.

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