(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({
google_ad_client: “ca-pub-3107489986272676”,
enable_page_level_ads: true
});
(originally written & published on November 23, 2011)
——————————————————————————————————-
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
——————————————————————————————————
An autism mom named Heather posted a question for ol’ Autism Daddy earlier today after I wrote about a successful trip to the movies and a restaurant today with the King…
—————
She wrote…
“I notice you take your son out to eat…. Or in public at the very least. Now our sons are like night and day…. My son is verbal and his good moments are great but they don’t happen much. In public he can’t stand sounds, smells which result in screaming or wandering in the restaurant. How do you do it? We end up with others starring as he hits himself. I would love any suggestions….”
—————-
Well for years the wife and I have always told people that Kyle is very malleable. He would go with the flow. He was Mr Mellow Yellow. And he was very unlike your typical asd kid… loud noises, crowded places didn’t bother him, changes in routine didn’t bother him…And he was like that for many years. We could and did take him anywhere and everywhere.
Now lately he goes thru ok stretches and bad stretches… but the wife always says that she never wants to be a prisoner in her own house. I would be more ok with that. 🙂
——————————————————————————————————————
//
Even during this REALLY bad summer of 2011 when Kyle was CRAZY with multiple meltdowns, tantrums, kicking, etc, we did our best to still take him out into the world… And for the most part his meltdowns would happen at home or in the car, but usually when we got to our destination he was ok.
Don’t get me wrong, he still acts up big time and we go EVERYWHERE with a backpack filled with snacks, books, mardi gras beads, iPad, a change of clothes, etc, etc, etc. And everyone knows he’s autistic, I mean he’s eating Cheerios at the restaurant while putting beads in his mouth while attached to a service dog. I mean if that doesn’t make you stand out then I don’t know what does. But I’ve said before that we’ve rarely, if ever, come across people who are out and out rude. I mean, yes they stare, but you’ve got an 8 year old kid licking the window while attached to a dog… I would stare at that…. But I think because it’s so obvious that Kyle is different / disabled from the minute you see him we don’t get the rudeness that others get. If we do, we are own little world and are oblivious to it…
And now, since September 2011, the king is going thru a real good stretch and we feel like we have to play the hot hand, try to do as many things as we can while he’s in this happy place and see how he does. My wife’s been pushing the envelope a bit and taking him food shopping quite a bit lately and not putting him in the cart, but instead asking him to walk alongside / push the cart. Today we did the movies and I was the one who suggested, let’s roll the dice and go out to a late restaurant and see how he does…
I don’t know if my wife feels this way, but when it comes to taking Kyle out into the world and when it comes to leaving Kyle with a sitter and me & the wife going out… I feel like we are racing against time…and time is not on our side. Maybe that’s a morbid way of thinking and maybe some of you parents of severe asd teenagers will tell me differently… but I feel that as Kyle gets older it’s going to be more and more difficult to take him out into the world… and it’s going to be more and more difficult for the wife and I to have those SELFISH date nights that I keep writing about. I mean who’s gonna watch a 22 year old Kyle so the wife and I can go to the Foo Fighters Farewell Tour 14 years from now… 🙂
So I feel let’s try to cram in as many movies, restaurants, Yankee games with the king now… And the wife and I should cram in as many dates nights now cuz I expect the road to get bumpier ahead…
PLEASE TELL ME I’M WRONG!!!
I got a bit off topic there at the end, but I hope that helped answer your question Heather! 🙂
THE END
———————————
//
————————–
amzn_assoc_ad_type = “responsive_search_widget”;
amzn_assoc_tracking_id = “a050ef-20”;
amzn_assoc_link_id = “VQ4HMJ4XYMYMZ2PG”;
amzn_assoc_marketplace = “amazon”;
amzn_assoc_region = “US”;
amzn_assoc_placement = “”;
amzn_assoc_search_type = “search_widget”;
amzn_assoc_width = 300;
amzn_assoc_height = 250;
amzn_assoc_default_search_category = “”;
amzn_assoc_default_search_key = “”;
amzn_assoc_theme = “light”;
amzn_assoc_bg_color = “FFFFFF”;
If you’re gonna shop Amazon anyway, can I ask that you enter Amazon by using the search box above or by going to http://www.amazon.com/?tag=a050ef-20? This way I can make a little money to help pay for my son’s after school & weekend therapies. This blogging thing has been awesome & life changing for me… but I must admit that it’s taking up a lot more time than I ever thought… so if I can make a few bucks it’ll make it easier for me to justify….Love you all! Thanks!!
Prologue by Autism Daddy: Howdy folks! Long time no blog! I hope y'all are well! …
Howdy folks! As many of you know I work at Sesame Street, and was proud…
Intro: Jim lives in Pittsburgh where he works as a Project Manager by day…
GUEST POST Almost 10 years ago, my then 2 -year old son, Devin, was…
GUEST POST -Ellie Whetzel is a Wife, Mom, and blogger who writes about the ups,…
I've taken my son to Sesame Place many times! He's 14 years old, but he'll…
View Comments
I understand completely. Plus its so good for them to get out in world. Our boys act up in public and my oldest one can not tolerate public places for very long periods but we keep taking them hoping that one day maybe we can spend more then ten minutes in a grocery store. Also I have found going shopping at night when there is less people around helps too. Going to restaurants is pretty much out of the question with them so we sneak as many date nights as we can :)
I agree with you and your wife. I always take my son out and we are always on the go. Each time is better and better. I want my son to be able to enjoy life and know that there is so much more out there. My kid is here to stay. My son is high functioining but he is 5 and still have meltdowns in public. He is such a sensory seeker he wants to touch everything. This fall I have taken him to every fall festival in a 50 mile radius..sometimes we stay for 10 min or somtimes an hour or more. I am a single parent raising my son and I can't help but think about what it will be like when he is 22 as well...I want him and the world to get to know each other as much as possible. My son loves the movies too and now he is getting used to going into restaurants. Sometimes I forget how small our world once was and now I am so glad we can get out so much more. My little one is still sleeping which is a miracle...but I am sure once he wakes up he will want to go somewhere...even though it is Thanksgiving...
We try to get out and about a lot too. Right now he is a tiny six year old and still fits in a cart, and I can still easily carry him if need be. He still fits (and likes to ride) in my jogging stroller so I can take him with me on a jog or for longer sight-seeing trips. BUT what happens when he's bigger? He usually does pretty well in restaurants too, as long as certain conditions are met. (We too are always armed with a backpack of help.) I'm hoping that by the time he's too big to push/carry that he'll be better behaved in stores, etc. At this point he gets so geeked out by all of the sights, sounds, people, STUFF around him that he can barely contain himself. We're in our own race against time. :~)
My daughter is now 18 as a kid we took her every where holidays , days out & meals out kicking the crap out of us as we went but now she is older its harder she is stronger and more or less hates the out side world she is an adult now and no longer can make or bribe her to go so i see four walls most days , every day we still try but shall i say Epic fail most days
I would like to take my 4 yr old son out more.He's non-verbal and he does alot of vocal stim. He's vocal stims sound like vowels and get louder and louder as the mins past. I tell him quiet mouth and that sets him off to do it more and get louder. Sometime he even cries.
Don't worry, it hopefully will be easier to take him places as he gets older. My brother is medium to severe ASD, he is 30 now. Mom & Dad are in their 60's and they go out more than us now! :-) they take him to church with them, to town twice per week, to concerts, he just loves going along. They also have a girl who comes over to stay with him when they want to go out, and they have a favorite respite care home that he stays at for the weekend sometimes or if they come and visit us for a week. My 4 year old has now been diagnosed with mild ASD (he is verbal with some delays) and we are still trying to get used to taking him places, he's a bit of a handful sometimes :-) I really admire you guys and like reading your blog!
Heather, my son has the same reaction as you described. I used to take him when I absolutely had to. It doesn't benefit him. He has sensory overload and gets too overwhelmed. He will start pounding his temples with his fists. I'll be a prisoner in my own home for the rest of my life if necessary. NOTHING is worth doing that to him.the last place I took him too he wanted to get way and get home so bad that he went after me and then took off running.he ouldnt get away fast enough. He's gotten a little older now, a little calmer and we may get there. We may not. But lime I said his safety, well being and comfort are my goals. Having hi life comfortably in his own skin is the priority. Some kids just can't do it and should never be pushed to
My son is 18, non-verbal, does not read or write, suffers from sensory overload, seeks constant hard sensory input and at age 15 began having grand mal seizures. We take him out, but, we have to limit our time out with him. Big box stores with bright lights and
many people are overwhelming. Eating out is very difficult as he does not understand the concept of waiting for food, and when he is done eating he wants to leave immediately. His stims draw alot of attention; spitting into his hands and wiping the spit into his hair or just spitting on the floor or tabletop and wiping with his hands. At 18 we had hoped that perhaps his behaviors and his need to be constantly moving would lessen...not at all! He is harder to control as he is powerful and for us, it is difficult to find people who want to watch him for a "date night". But for our SANITY we do everything in our power to go out when we can.
Just a suggestion on the waiting for food thing. Call ahead. Most restaurants will take a call a head order so it will b ready when u get there so no waiting or very little. Hope this helps. I waitress and have a 9 yr old asd son.
Another trick we had learned was as soon as the food is delivered, get the waitress to bring your bill and pay it then. That way when your son is done eating and ready to go, you don't have to wait for her to do that step when she may be busy serving other customers.
Great tips - thank you for sharing these ideas!
understand it to the full! we do the same thing! we have to .. we dont have family nanny´s to take care of our sons both with ASD....... my hubbi works in diffrent shift and the time we have togther as a couple is very little so we DO have to play the selfish card now and agian!! when he is of from work and the kids are in school we go out to eat and stuff like that.... we are taking the kids out to eat and so on but the meltdowns is for the moment Very tuff (in the bad steam roll) at the moment so we order in pizza.. and i have to go shopping at night because if i have to take the boys with me, there will be NO store left when they are done ;O) but i hope we hit a good role SOON so we can go out everybody at the same time that would be nice
I completely understand why your wife chose to NOT be a prisoner in her own home. My daughter is ASD as well and has been accompanying my husband and I out in public as much as possible since her diagnosis in 2004. My husband and I know the harsh reality is that we will not always be around to take care of her. So, it is our job as her parents,as well as advocates to see that she learns to the best of her ability to function in society and experience as much of the real world as she can handle. And in order to do that...we must take her out..Society goes well beyond the walls of our home and she has just as much right to be out there as the rest of us.