(originally written & published on February 26, 2013)
Sat 11:32pm — I was cleaning up my home office earlier this evening when I came across an envelope from Kyle’s school that the wife had previously opened and must’ve dumped in here a few weeks back.
I opened it up and it was his “report card” for the second “marking period”.
Back in the early days of autism we would’ve read something like that intently looking for a glimmer of hope or progress, but would almost always get depressed instead.
This time? I chuckled to myself when I realized what it was and how long it’s been sitting there.
The I tossed it aside into the toss it pile.
It wasn’t a specific written progress note from his speech teacher or his OT. And this wasn’t the kind of detailed report that you’d read from and reference in an IEP meeting. Those kinds of reports I would’ve paid a bit more attention to.
But this was almost like the equivalent of a typical 4th grader’s report card. Ok, maybe not a typical 4th grader’s report card but it’s still the kinda stuff that’s over my son’s head.
It’s got a numbered grading key.
And as usual for Kyle’s report cards, there’s always mostly 1’s or N/As on it.
Why even bother? Don’t even waste the postage.
Sorry to be so glib but why the F are they still sending us report cards for?
I guess I’m a jaded parent of a kid with severe autism…but we’ve been on this same autism roller coaster for a LONG time now.
And through those years the wife and I have hardened & toughened.
We love our kid and we know what he knows and what he doesn’t know. My wife drives him to & from school every day and gets daily reports & feedback with his 1:1 aide.
So I’m fairly confident that there’s nothing in that report card that’s gonna surprise me or depress me or make me happy.
Oh wait, he’s at grade level and/or “Meeting Standards” for taking turns!!
That’s something, right?
🙂
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I know, I know, the school has to send them… that’s the law, etc. I got no beef with the school that Kyle goes to… I’m just a jaded, hardened ol’ severe autism dad… that’s all… 🙂
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My 17 year old gets report cards with straight A's on it despite the fact that he's working at a 3rd grade level...and he's so innocent & naive to believe he's 'really smart'!!!
if thats what he thinks, then let him. my 9y/o son thinks by saying "indeed" that makes him older and smarter.
I'm with you on this one. We've asked ourselves the same question. I guess they're required to thats all....regardless how of meaningless it seems. I honestly take 100% more stock in the daily communication notebook sent to and from school daily in his back pack. Realtime progress reports I call them.
I totally agree with everything you posted.... Report cards, iep expectations etc.etc... my daughter is 9 with mild autism diagnosed last may... As long as she's happy I'm happy, grades mean nothing.. She's made social progress & communicating better now, that's an A from me ... Each little thing of any progress is better than none... :)
I find this all very upsetting, from where I stand. If you ever need to be in serious negotiations, Mediation (informal, formal, or pre-Due Process), or in Due Process proceedings with your child's School District, having "official Report Cards" can be crucial.
Besides, Report Cards are keepsakes. We aren't going to keep every Communication Log, every Therapist's Eval & Report, every Standardized/Alternate Test Result Repot, etc.
Try not to give up on placing this type of importance on Kyle's things....the things EVERY kid gets!
When my son was in public school I would go to the parent teacher conference but I would tell teacher i don't want to see the report card. There is no point. Who the hell wants to be reminded your kid is way below grade level. I just threw them in trash the other times. The good thing about non public school.... no reports cards!!!
I dread them. DS is so low functioning he has NO idea. But they ALWAYS make me cry. And not out of happiness. In the pile it goes. [sigh] Sorry, Blondie (above). - Cathy
Ive been tossing my sons evals and progress reports aside for years, Just cant bare to read how crappy hes doing.Hubby and I decided to sign him up for 10 private speach classes that is covered by insurance.Hes 14 and weve never taken advantage of this before- anyway, im sitting wirh him & the therapist, first time, and the therapist gets all his picture cards out and starts asking michael tons of questions really fast , and my son is getting them all right.I almost fell over- this therapist that we stumbled apon was amazing, I had no idea my son new these things- it took a fanrastic teacher to get it out of him.
I am happy you have finally been able to enjoy such a positive experience with your son. That teacher seems to have chosen his profession well. Congratulations on making this decision and for sharing it with others who may likewise be able to benefit from it.
Its funny because our IEP "team" uses the report cards to lie about how much progress he is making.
My autistic son is not in school yet and I started to find reports immediately depressing back at 12 months old. So I don't think I will find report cards any different, but I am also an elem school teacher (specialist) and I find grading special needs children more uncomfortable than nearly anyone else. What is right? fair? accurate? Do we grade the child based on the above rubric, which means they can never attain a 3? Do we grade them based on their personal work ability? And what that mean depending on the child? Comments are going to be more valuable than a number for any kid, but depending on your case load (mine at 550), I can't give every child written feedback. Teachers need to learn how to make more positive comments (especially towards our sped population) and SPED parents need to start coming to meet their teachers. ALL of their teachers. SPED parents should feel comfortable talking to their child's teachers. Nothing is more annoying than hearing from a SPED teacher. I experienced that in the high school environment too. If you have a question or concern, contact the adult that created the assignment, has the rule, etc. Don't be afraid and don't ask your SPED case manager to talk to the art, phyed or music teacher :)
Please don't throw them aside... they are Kyle's. I know it is hard to see them, I feel the same way, but I am still proud of my daughter for doing the 'smallest' things. She is who she is and I am PROUD of who she is. Be proud of Kyle's reports - he is a wonderful young man. Love to you and your family.