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(originally written & published on October 28, 2011)
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Earlier today on my Autism Daddy Facebook Page I posted this picture of a sink load of dirty dishes…
And I wrote this caption underneath the pic
“Our dishwasher has been broken for a few months. This one is not Kyle’s fault. 🙂 But we haven’t lined up a Sat or Sun afternoon sitter so we can go dishwasher shopping without Kyle. So by Thur or Fri of each week this is what our sink looks like. :-)”
There were tons of the usual funny comments by you all. Great stuff as always. Then later on in the thread I wrote this…
“It’s a vicious cycle. If the wife doesn’t cook I’m happy cuz we are eating frozen pizza or nuggets on paper plates and there’s no dishes to do, but she’s not happy cuz we are eating unhealthy processes food. When she cooks she’s happy and I’m miserable cuz she somehow cooks with EVERY pan and dish in the house… We kinda have a loose “one cooks, the other cleans” policy in our house… but the policy has been blown without the dishwasher. Sometimes it’s like we are playing a game of chicken to see who’s gonna get fed up with the pile first and start digging in and washing. I’ll try to squeeze a good 15 minutes in before I leave for work today but that won’t even make a dent…”
Later down the thread an autism mom named Erin wrote this…
“And plz don’t take this the wrong way but you work 40 hrs week & kyle goes to school, right? I would make my wife clean those dishes! Believe me I know it is a full time job just to clean up after the king & it takes a superwomen to deal w/ what she deals with but the cleanliness will help her get a clear head & make her feel better all around.”
And further down the thread Erin added…
” but please know my house gets trashed all the time and I don’t mean to ruffle any feathers. I just know my husband would tell me (in a nice & loving way) to clean up and wheres my pot pie?! J/J LOL! No, really it does help me keep my mind clear in this haze of worry & stress I have about my son to keep things picked up. It takes EVERYTHING I have to pick up b4 my husband gets home from work and I do have a dishwasher. Also, it doesn’t always get done. I may have overstepped by posting what I did. I’m sorry if I offended anyone.”
Which brings me to today’s controversial topic of the day… 🙂
What do you all the married moms think of this? Because you are the mom are the dirty dishes automatically your job? And if you are a stay at home mom does that make the dishes your responsibly by default?
I’m sure it’s different for each family dynamic. So here’s my take on all this.
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Having a sink full of dirty dishes for me & my wife has nothing to do with having a son with autism. We were messy before Kyle & now we are even messier with Kyle in our lives.
And yes, my wife is a stay at home mom, but the idea that “the cleanliness will help her get a clear head & make her feel better all around” is not the case with her. While Kyle is in school she has about 5 hours to herself (between dropping him off & picking him up) and what makes her get a clear head & feel better all around changes all the time…but it’s never doing the dishes :-). Right now it’s going to the gym and planning her 25th High School Reunion. Those are the two things right now that make her feel better all around and I totally support that. A happy mommy is a GREAT thing for me & Kyle.
And for the husbands that work 40 hours a week…. c’mon unless your job entails alot of manual labor, or your a cop, firefigter, teacher 🙂 let’s all admit that work aint that hard compared to being home rasising our special kids. When I complain about my job or that I’m tired my wife always says “You’re sitting in an office for 8 hours, having adult conversations, going to meetings, going out to lunch with other adults. Do you wanna trade with me? I’ll go back to work.”
And she’s right. I would not want to trade with her. I love my son, but I would not want to trade with her. I sometimes hate my job, but I would not want to trade with her.
So if she chooses the gym over the dishes…I say who the F cares?? Not me… until they start spilling over or until the ants arrive… 🙂
THE END
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View Comments
it is her job. as a wife n mother of three with a husband sho works his ass off I always make sure dishes done, meals cokked, house cleaned, laundry washed, kids taken care of. I also work part time out of the home cleaning others homes. she has 5 hrs of free time, gym is great, but planning fun events n leasure time come after responsibilty. if my husband works ot then so do I. I weed wack, mow, install insulation, plumbing, painting, wte he cant get to I hNdle. on top of my reg chores. im sorry but wth does she do with a that time? if I let my dishes go like that judt cause my dishwasher broke (not possible anyway I dont own one) my husband would not buy me another one till I stopped being lazy bout it. (sorry harsh but truth) n I would hope my kids see how to b responsibile adults, PS im husband/kid free forweekend, first time ever n ill make sure my house is in order before I go enjoy anyghing
must be great to be so freakin perfect. Let me guess your hard working hubby also deserves sex on demand no matter how you feel. Sorry to be harsh but the truth is your a bitter holier than thou b****h
Let me guess - you don't have a special needs child, right? Then don't go there. Because you have NO IDEA. NONE.
you stupid bloody bitch ... go back to being a stepford wife and stay away from parents with real problems and a real life
I completely agree with you, my husband goes out and works everyday, nights and evenings on shifts. I stay home make sure he comes home to cooked meals, a tidy house, clean clothes, washed dishes (I don't have a dishwasher) etc etc. I don't see how seeing these as your responsibility makes you a bitch. It makes you a HOUSEWIFE. I do all my cleaning on a morning when I get my son up before I even think about what I can do for myself that day, because my husband sure doesn't get to plan parties or go the gym when he's setting off for work at 6am. And yes, I do have a disabled child.
You must be a real joy to live with. :-P
As a stay at home mum I tend to do most of the housework but my OH usually does the dishes from the evening meal. Though I will do them if I have time especially as we have a tiny kitchen and cant cope with the mess. I know it can be a struggle sometime to keep on top of it but have found it much easier to do it straight away (much harder to get dried food off) and we dont have a dishwasherf.
I say what ever works for your family-an imaculate house or the more lived in look- hey-dont worry what other families do- My mom told me never do the dishes after dinner- spend time with your family instead- the dishes will get done in the morning. And this is what ive been doing since my kids were born.
I also a stay at home mom of two children one with Autism. I don't have a dishwasher and I home-school both my kids, do all the house work, including all the dishes, cook every night and don't see the point in all the dirty dishes in the sink. I think if you stay at home then you should do the house work.that's just my opinion...
Totally disagree with the first comment, as a mum and a wife i do a days work in the house as well as walk the dog as its my time out and excercise,,, but NO WAY will i wait hand and foot on my husband, yes i cook and clean, wash and iron all the things i choose to do,, the day someone TELLS ME this IS MY JOB,,,, thats when i rebel!!! He eats off plates and drinks out of cups, so why the heck should i run after him??? I dont think so, my son who is autistic will never ever be independant, i as his full time carer will always look after him and care for him, hes my child. My husband however is not my child, he gets more time out than ill ever see in my life time,, although I love him with every bone in my body, he can damn well muck in too,, ive done it before when the other kids come and stay, and treat the home like a hotel,,, pile it up so far and the lot goes in the bin!!! And it wernt paper plates,, lol,,, i work damn hard and what ever lets each person have time out then fluff to the dishes,, although mine dont pile up like that as it would do my head in!!! ha ha ha
It is extremely exhausting, both mentally and physically, being the primary caretaker of a child on the more extreme end of the spectrum. I bet that when your child is home from school, she is pretty much working her ass off, probably gets little sleep because of the sleep difficulties of your son, and needs the break. So if the house gets messy, or the dishes go unwashed, I don't think it's a big deal. Parents of special needs kids NEED the respite. It allows them to have the high levels of patience, energy, and compassion that is an absolute requirement!!!
Exactly! My son is on the extreme end of the spectrum. I barely have time to do anything even when he's in school.
I don't really think it is anybodies job. A stay at home mom works 40 hrs. plus, it never ends. It's not always a choice to be a stay at home mom. In my situation he made more money than I would have. I tried the work thing and paid almost all my check to the sitter. We had a mad house going on all the time. No body was happy, so it made more since for me to stay home. Everybody needs a break once in awhile. It takes a family to keep the house running smooth. It only causes hard feelings when a person says it's your job to do this or that. By the way I don't have a dish washer. Kids are all grown, my kitchen is small, but I'm going to make room for that dishwasher. LOL I guess you could say I have a dishwasher. But it doesn't do a very good job on the dishes. It's called my husband.
I am the mom of a severely autistic child. I picked up and dropped off my son at school. During the time he was at school, I cleaned the house, ran errands, worked out, and also ran a home based business. All work got done and leisure time still fit in. My husband works hard at a stressful office job and doesn't need to see chaos at home as he deals with it at the office. My son and I had outdoor playtime after school. After supper we all relaxed and supper dishes waited for me the next day. Worked for our family and everyone was happy.
This doesnt happen all the time guys... This pic is extreme even for us... But yeah there's some days where housework is her focus during the school day...some days where she has a recipe she wants to try for dinner... and some days where she wants to go to the gym and out with some autism mommy friends...
Wow strong feelings on this subject! Autism Daddy whatever you and your wife choose to do with your dishes is totally up to you :-) and I don't mind saying I have seen my sink look like that more than once. Yes I stay at home while hubby goes to work but no offence to anyone the reason I am at home is my son not my husband. My son needs 24hr care my husband however is a grown man who is more than capable of looking after himself. We do alot for each other but we also look after ourselves as this makes us better parents.