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Most of the other autism families in our lives have multiple kids. Either they didn’t know their kid was on the spectrum yet when they had more, or their kid with autism was their last one. And most of them have one severe kid and one mild kid… or one kid on the spectrum and the other not at all.
But they ALL seem more balanced than us. Our lives revolve around Kyle and we live & die with his moods. When he’s having a great week, we all are and we he’s having a rough week we are all at each others throats. If we had another kid the focus would be split and i think it would be better for Kyle and for us.
But we waited too long and I always feared what if the second one was more severe. How could we handle 2 Kyles?
But we regret not having a 2nd kid right away before we knew about Kyle…
So, I pose the question to all of you…
Where does the child with autism fit into your family dynamic? Was he/she your first child? Only child? Did the fear of having another child on the spectrum factor into your decision whether or not to have more kids?
Inquiring minds want to know… I want to know…
🙂
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Hi Daddy, we have an almost 14 year old boy with Aspergers a 9 year old not on the spectrum but has an eating disorder , panic attacks and sleep issues and an almost 8 year old with autism. Our son wasn't diagnosed till 9 which made me look at our super quiet lost in her own world 3 year old who was then diagonised, the difference was our daughter got years of early intervention which helped immensely but our son didn't qualify for anything. Our life is what it is and no argument about religion, immunization or fOod is going to change it
Thank you for posting this. My partner has an eight-year-old son with autism (from a previous marriage) and although I want to have a child with him, I am terrified that I would drown under the weight of raising two kids on the spectrum. Now I know that I would probably regret it if I did not give a child a chance.
Our first son is diagnosed on the spectrum. We knew this before deciding to have another child in which we are pregnant now. We're having another which makes me fear that he to will be diagnosed. However, our lives are forever changed bc of our sons diagnosis now so if his brother is diagnosed so be it. We will again learn how to adapt. :)
My now 16yr old son wasn't dx'd (Asperger's & Tourette's)till he was 11 and I often wonder if we'd known would we have stopped...
But then I remember that my 2nd son, now 14, had a cranial malformation requiring surgery at 6mo old and we were told it was a caused by a genetic defect. He has been diagnosed with OCD, Sensory Integration Deficit, and extreme anxiety when he was 9.
My 3rd son, now 11, is not officially dx'd but has all the same signs & symptoms of Asperger's (and more) that my oldest had at his age. But this time around I saw the signs earlier and stepped in myself. I think I've been a better parent with him because I understand more now and know he's not intentionally trying to drive everyone nuts, lol.
My youngest is my 8yr old daughter and she has signs of OCD and sensory issues.
While it is sometimes overwhelming to juggle all the needs of my kiddos I think it's made me much more understanding of the world in general and having my oldest diagnosed has prepared me for the younger ones.
I think that even if I hadn't given birth to more children after my first I very likely would have adopted other children.
#1 diagnosed at 3 and a bit with Aspergers with high anxiety when number 2 was a year and a bit, part of the reason for not have another is the diagnose and the fact we can see it run through the family. Don't think number 2 is on the spectrum (crossing everything here).
I have 4 kids. My daughter is 19. She was diagnosed with Tourette's at age 6, which by then I had her little brother. Next is my oldest son who is 14. I had been trying to get him diagnosed since he was age 5 but nobody paid any attention to me. He was diagnosed with asperger's when he was 10. During the time I was trying to get him diagnosed, I got pregnant with my youngest son. Right away I knew there was something different about him but he wasn't diagnosed officially with autism until he was 3. When my #3 child was 4, my husband and I decided to have another baby, knowing very well that there is a pretty good chance that he/she would have autism, and possibly more. I was over the age of 35 so they did all the special tests, that came back saying there was a chance she would have Down's. At that point my husband and I decided it just didn't matter. Challenges, disabilities, whatever... this is our child and we will give him/her unconditional love. Would it be a REALLY REALLY hard thing? Sure, but aren't all children a challenge to raise? For the record, child #4 is NT at this point but I have noticed something things that make me think she has Tourette's also.
I just have to commend you for your strength and perseverance. Reading this warmed my heart. I love that you embraced the hard times and willingly accepted that you may have another child with a disability.
I hope that (someday) when I'm a parent, I can take everything in stride as you have.
Our oldest is 6- just recently diagnosed with Asperger's. Our next up is 5 and he has been dx'd for 3 years with autism. I also have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. I worry that they are on the spectrum, but I guess when we looked at the options it was never about potential autism, but rather, our love for the children we have. And, I will be honest, we had 3 surprises and one planned- the only planned is our 5 year old non-verbal. No more though- 4 is enough no matter what they are dealing with. :)
My older son was dx with autism at 2 yrs old. He's now 4 yrs old. When he was dx i already had my second son. And i was really worried that he might be on the spectrum. But he wasn't all he had was speech delay and sensory issues but with EI he did well.
The day our developmental pediatrician mentioned autism and that we needed an evaluation was the day I found out I was pregnant. We had been tring for eight months. All of my daughters dx were not genetic and we had a 90% chance
I've been married to a man for the last 10 years. His 23 yr old daughter has moderate Autism. While I am still of child bearing years, I know that he is terrified that it will happen again and would feel that it is somehow his fault. I, on the other hand would absolutely have another child. My step-daughter has taught me many wonderful things. Too many to list but #1 would be the fact that she has helped me to see the world through different eyes and how to appreciate the smallest things!!!