So here are some of my thoughts…
In fact, news reports are now saying that Jillian McCabe
(from NBC News) had been “hearing voices” and was
supposed to see a doctor to adjust her medication the next day”
Relatives say she had been suffering from mental illness for
more than two years and snapped after a series of challenges: caring for a
severely autistic, non-verbal child; her husband’s life-threatening illness;
and the death of her father.
“We learned just yesterday that Monday morning Jillian
expressed to her counselor that she was hearing voices again,” Andrew
McCabe said. “The counselor suggested that her medication needed adjusting
and set an appointment with a doctor, for the next day.”
————
But her relatives say that while she was overwhelmed and stressed out by her situation, the real problems began after her husband, Matt, fell ill with a mass on his brain stem that landed him in intensive care and left him with a form of multiple sclerosis.
The day before he was supposed to come from the hospital, McCabe’s father died — and she went into a downward spiral, the aunt said.
Who knows if maybe one other positive thing had happened to her that day, none of this would’ve
happened.
And I believe that she should go away for a long time, and be punished for her despicable
actions… but maybe she should serve her
punishment in a mental institution instead of a prison?
Jillian was trying to get help for her mental problems, but with the way we make fun of and gawk at mental illness in this country (see Mayor Rob Ford & actress Amanda Bynes) how many people are afraid and embarrassed to get the help they need?
Autism parents are very often stressed out. Having a kid with autism is really hard and can really suck sometimes. If you’re kid is severely affected by autism your day to day stress levels will be even worse. If your kid is self injurious or injures others your stress levels can be thru the roof.
I can’t imagine what your stress levels would be like if your teenage severely autistic kid has a history of severely injuring you (and putting you in the hospital a few times) and outweighs you by 30 pounds (like Kelli Stapleton’s & Angie Robinson’s kids did).
All this to say that autism parenting can be a very stressful business. And because of that, the same way that the divorce rate is higher among autism parents, I can bet that the “snap rate” is higher among autism parents than among the general public…
But very often autsim parents put on a brave face and put our best foot forward, and present the sunshine & rainbows version of themselves to the world, especially to the Facebook world.
And when they do express how hard things are they’re made to feel like they should stop complaining and when asd parents say “autism sucks” they’re made to feel like they don’t love their kids…
So they just bite their lips and keep it all in, and smile for the outside world, and no one knows the stress (and sometimes violence) many autism parents are dealing with on a daily basis…
So I guess what I’m trying to say is that autism parents should be allowed to show the outside world how hard it all is without being made to feel like bad parents who don’t love their kids. And the outside world needs to see that reality more often to better understand what some autism parents are dealing with.
Maybe that would lower the “snap rate” a little?
I’ve gone off on way too many tangents. It’s time for me to bring this baby home.
My thing about all this is that I want to have my cake and eat it too…
— I want to put these moms away forever and lock away the key… and yet I want to be allowed to feel compassion for them…
— I want to say that Jillian did a horrible, disgusting, despicable thing to her beautiful son London (his pictures haunt my dreams) and deserves to be punished, and yet I hope this despicable act does shine a light on the issue of mental illness in this country…
— I want to say that what Angie did to her son Robert and what Kelli tried to do to her daughter Isabelle were cowardly & horrific acts, and that both moms should have done everything in their power to avoid getting to that place (kill themselves, drop their kids off to social services, etc) and yet I want the world to hear more about their severe autism stories, and hear about their hardships and the violence they endured.
I want to have my cake and eat it too! I want to feel it all! Anger & compassion…
Does that make me a monster?
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No it does not make you a monster. It's very easy to wish something horrible on someone who does something horrible, but revenge fixes nothing. There have to be more resources out there, and we're going to have to stand up to all the things in the way and force change. It's not going to come if we ask nice and keep voting people into office who don't give a damn. It's not just parents dealing with autism who snap. It can happen in any family given the right recipe of circumstances. Mental health parity hasn't gone far enough either, even with new laws in place, my copays to see a therapist are 50 dollars a visit. The "sliding scale" clinic nearest to me charges 75 dollars. I cannot afford that, and I doubt I'm alone. It should be the same 20 dollar copay I would have for my medical doctor. So many things are wrong with how we deal with mental health, disabilities of all kinds and just basic human struggles, I don't know if much of it is fixable. But, I do think we need to start bothering the living shit out of everyone in elected office and holding them responsible for helping their constituencies have happier lives.
My son is classically autistic and times are sometimes hard with him as well. I completely agree that I want to feel compassion for these people as well as feel like what they did was horrible. Living in Oregon, I know how horrible mental health services are here, and the standard seems to always be "sedate and send you home." I hope that these events really do bring light to mental health care and the lack thereof not only in Oregon but all over the country.
No, it doesn't make you a monster. It makes you human. Part of being an autism parent is our impressive ability to over-think just about everything (seriously. EVERYTHING.). We have had to re-wire our most basic ways of thinking into something that somewhat resembles a brain made for two. Our opinions and feelings aren't just based on emotion anymore... They're so much more methodical now. I get what you're saying. 100% I get it.
It's appalling. Any way you slice or dice it, a mother murdering her child is an unspeakable horror. It's so difficult to even wrap my head around it. But, I do know this. Mental illness can be an all-consuming hell. Darkness that we, as autism parents, catch glimpses and pieces of but by the graces of sanity, we remain tethered to just enough light. Some people, sadly do not.
And that just breaks my heart.
I agree with the above comments. Families are struggling. Mental Heath need to improve!! There is not enough services out there. Those that are there take months to get approved. Then it takes months to find people to do the job. Families do not complain about this help, because they know they have all there is!! The cost of medications can be hundreds a month.Do you know what its like to have a child threaten or hit you and no one to help?? Lets not judge. What are you doing to help these families? Maybe make a meal or offer to sit while the parents go grocery shopping? Offer some respite, listen to them, and yes Pray for them.
It's murder. Cold blooded murder. If you love your child you don't MURDER them. I'm tired of all these excuses these so-called mothers give. There is no excuse to end your child's life. I understand mental illness is a real problem. Go get help. Don't take it out on your kid.
They did try to get help! Try reading before having an opinion. Try compassion before judgement.
I think everyone is entitled to an opinion and just because you are upset with what the mother did and hate her for it does not mean you are lacking compassion. I think the author indeed displays compassion, for the victim, the child who is now dead.
Oregon has the safe haven law, so she could have simply dropped him off at a hospital, police or fire station or church. Killing him was not necessary. I really can have no sympathy for her. My family has a number of autistic and Tourette's children in it. None of them are at risk of being murdered by any of us. None.
But it only applies to infants.
I don't think you do understand the real problem of mental illness. The more that comes out in the news, the more obvious this woman was suffering psychoses. Psychotic people are out of touch with reality, they don't have control over what they are doing.
Just because rational people like you and I would never hurt our kids no matter how depressed or stressed we are by their behaviour, things are different for an insane psychotic person. Maybe if you worked with psychotic people for a while you'd have some understanding.
I mean this woman even asked for help - do you know how hard it is to get someone with psychoses to see they have a problem and need help? This woman obviously tried to get help.
Rather than condemn her, condemn the services who turned her away! London's blood is on their hands!
if she was psychotic, someone should've noticed it and called CPS
When a mentally il person is suicidal they classically don't reach out to anyone for help which is part of their condition. A normal person who was mentally adjusted wouldn't try and take their life as well as their severely autistic daughter or son. Im sick of people having not an iota of compassion for any of these women because have you noticed its always the mothers of autistic kids that snap because they are the ones who are doing the lions share of the caring for an autistic child. Im not saying fathers are useless by any means at all. Kellie stapleton should have rang the welfare departments and asked for residential care for her daughter or just left. I believe her constant head injuries attributed to her mental state, PTSD and suicidal thoughts . Her husband has said she has been "crazy" for a long time. Well why the hell didn't he insist she get help and now HE wont forgive her for losing it. No I don't condone it but I can see how she got to that place on that dreadful day. Issabelle didn't deserve what happened to her. That poor kid. My grand daughter is autistic and that Dr. Phil show opened my eyes to the fact that if your autistic child becomes a violent autistic teenager you have to have other care for them outside the home. The Stapletons went too long which was the undoing in this tragic case.
We need to take the stigma away from mental illness. I will now go have a good cry and pray for us all....
It's easy to pass judgment on other parents, but Autism is STRESSFUL (special needs in general) more stressful than you can explain to anyone ever. It often brings me to the point of tears, it stresses out my NT child and it certainly puts stress on my marriage. What I try to keep in mind though is how hard it must be in my ASD child... who has trouble expressing their wants and needs or can't control their sensory input/output which (my daughters main issue). If you don't have special needs in your day to day life you have no idea and I mean you just really don't, you just can't, have a TRUE idea of how stressful day to day life is with a special needs child.
Now having said that there is NEVER EVER EVER any excuse for hurting your child! I mean I couldn't imagine getting to any point where I would want my child DEAD! Suicide isn't a real answer either of course but if it's that or murder well come one! If you've gotten to the point where living is unbearable then why wouldn't you just kill yourself not an not your innocent child I don't understand!?!
autism, stressful or not, doesn't cause murder. nor is it a reason for murder whatsoever. if you really don't think it's an excuse for murder, then you don't say it's stressful because that's giving an excuse
Never ever? What if the life of autistic child was permanent stress and frustration and suffering and there was no real help to improve? Would you watch its torment without any thought if such live is worth living? And if you coulnt watch it any more, would you commit suicide (it means leaving your suffering child alone and in even worse situation) just to keep your hands clean?
To the Anonymous person that commented above, I think that you might be missing the point of what everyone is saying. This "help" that you are saying that these parents should go get is nearly impossible to access for various reason. Further more many people, the Oregon mother included, do try to get help. If you read the article she was supposed to get her medicine adjusted the next day, so what other help was she supposed to be getting? I completely understand the duality of wanting someone to be held responsible for their actions but still feeling heart broken at the idea that they felt those actions were the only way. I don't feel like I can judge someone in such a state of mental anguish, or anyone for that matter. Condemn the action, yes but the person... I am not so sure. I just keep going back to us as parents of children on the spectrum and how hurtful and upsetting it is when people have no clue about our kids and what we are going through but want to judge our parenting and how and why we do what we do. Then something like this happens and we, the same people that get upset when parents of NT children judge, will turn around and judge someone else who couldn't cope as "well" as we think they should have. Isn't this the same sentiment that we get so upset about when it comes from outside of the autism community. I know that it is such a horrific situation but I think compassion should always trump anger and judgement.
"Ok so hmm... i tried to get help, it didn't work. I don't feel like getting my meds tomorrow, let my murder my innocent child instead." I have 2 autistic children. I couldn't even imagine laying a finger on them never mind throwing them into freezing cold water over a bridge. And to have pity on that woman? What about the child? Who has pity for him? Does anyone mention how he suffered??? THIS is what disgusts me.
It's okay to feel compassion for the mother on some level but I'm sick of people making excuses for people like her. There is no excuse for killing any child disabled or not. All of you making excuses and being apologists for cases like this are partly to blame. I was sicked by all the excuses made for Kelli Stapleton and now look at what's happened, another child is dead. Another child is dead because our community makes excuses instead of saying murdering these kids is wrong not matter what!
Not a monster, just a human!
You are not a monster in any way. You are a compassionate, empathetic human being. I do believe this woman had problems. The fact that she called the police after she did and and told them was a sign of it. Sane people do not call the police, they lie about what they did because they know it was wrong. Someone who does not seem to think murdering a child is wrong, or a viable option is not thinking in a sane manner. Remember Andrea Yates? She was so deep in the delusion that her children needed to be saved that she killed all 5 then called her husband and the police. She honestly thought it was the correct thing to do which shows there was a serious mental health issue at work. However, they need to be put in a place where we, the general population, are safe from them. A mental institution would be more appropriate in such a case. As far as other cases where a parent has tried to kill a child, I do have empathy but look at the individual's actions. If they are deceptive about explaining the act, it could mean it was planned and they know what they were doing was wrong. Again, they also need to be kept contained to protect us, but those type of individuals should be in a regular prison.