As usual I’m a little late to the party with my “Reaction to Toni Braxton’s Comments” post.
Whenever a big story comes down in the autism community 5-6 people will email ol’ Autism Daddy asking my reaction.
And very often I don’t write my reaction because the story doesn’t really affect my life and because as I’ve written many times before even though I have an autism blog I try not to live & breathe autism 24/7 (
read)
But this time 6 people asked for my Toni Braxton reaction. I think half of them thought I would be appalled by her comments (they don’t know me very well do they) and half thought that I would totally understand and get where she was coming from.
So I googled it to see what all the hubbub was all about.
And the first headline I saw was this from the Huffington Post.
Catchy headline, huh. It’s got everything. It’s got religion. It’s got autism. It’s got abortion. It’s got all the hot button topics wrapped into one.
I read the article and I was like “feh big deal”
My takeaway from reading that one article was
She was brought up in an extremely religious household. She had an a abortion which she was guilt ridden about. And when her son was diagnosed she wondered if this was punishment from god.
What’s the big deal?
I know, I know. Many people in the autism community are saying autism shouldn’t be considered a punishment, autism is a gift…but I’ve written before how I don’t buy into that line of thinking(
read) …
But what if her son read that some are saying? He will think his life was a punishment to his mom?
No, Toni is saying that she thought the disorder that he has (yes I’m calling autism a disorder) might be punishment from god, not her son.
If her son was born blind or deaf and she said that would there be this much controversy?
Oh my god her deaf son might read that his mom thought his deafness was punishment from god. How can he look at his mother the same way again?!
What is it about autism (and autism alone?) that makes parents evil if they express that they wish their kids didn’t have this disorder?
And let’s go back to what Toni said. Even if you feel autism is a blessing and “wouldn’t change your kid if you could”. Did you always feel that way? Or did it take quite a few years for you to get to that “autism is a blessing” place?
When your kid was first diagnosed weren’t you angry & scared? Didn’t you ever wonder “why me”?
Well that is what Toni Braxton was writing about. When her kid was first diagnosed she wondered if his autism diagnosis might be punishment from god.
What, people aren’t allowed to express how they felt in their own autobiography?! She’s supposed to suppress that part of her life, that part of her story so as to not offend the autism community… which by the way should be embracing her?
I read that one article and then I read a few others and then I read some of the articles & blog posts with some of the criticism she got. And some of the criticism is that she still feels that way… and that the comments she made to US Weekly (quoted in that Huff Post article) stating that she now feels differently were just her way of back-tracking…but her book tells how she really feels…
So I wanted to read the autism pages of her book for myself. It seems that nobody else has done that. Everybody is just reacting to the part of the story that the media has spoon fed them.
So I went on amazon.com and within seconds using their “peek inside” and their search book feature I found all the pages that refer autism.
And I’m not sure if this is copyright infringement but here they are. The actual pages from Toni Braxton’s book,
Unbreak My Heart: A Memoir that talk about her son’s initial autism diagnosis.
(the word autism is highlighted in orange because that is how I found these pages)
That’s pretty much it, folks…
So the takeaways for me after reading those pages are
–that she was angry when her son was first diagnosed (weren’t we all?)
— that her pediatrician didn’t take Toni’s motherly instincts seriously enough (happens to most of us, no?)
— that because of her strict religious upbringing she initially thought this might be gods way of punishing her for a previous abortion which she said 2 pages later she doesn’t believe anymore.
–that the supposedly evil Suzanne Wright from Autism Speaks personally called her the day after her son’s diagnosed hit the press and offered her support and help.
So again, I don’t see what all the fuss was about. If you want to be mad at anyone be mad at the press (or maybe her publishing company) for pulling out this autism is punishment story and making it the main focus of her book.
By the way, on amazon the book is listing at 272 pages and the word autism only appears on 7 pages. That’s less than 3% of the book. So the book isn’t all about autism.
It’s an autobiography. People write about the tough times and the good times in autobiographies. The great autobiographies really get into how the person felt during important moments in her life. Her son’s autism diagnosis is one of those moments. And from what I read she attempted to write about it openly and honestly.
For that she’s been crucified.
I just don’t get it. What am I missing here? What angle am I missing?
–If you’re anti-abortion you can be mad at her for having one. Fine.
— If you don’t believe in god or don’t believe that god is a vengeful god you can maybe disagree with her. Ok.
— if you don’t agree with her non-committal stance on the autism & vaccine issue, no matter which way you lean, you can maybe be mad at her… but again she didn’t write an autism book she wrote a memoir about her life…so let’s not get wrapped up in the vaccine issue.
— you think she’s a horrible singer…or she’s too sexual for your taste…fine….although i got no problem with either 🙂
— but for her to say that she was angry when her son was first diagnosed with autism and she wondered if it was god’s way of punishing her for an abortion but she doesn’t feel that way anymore? That’s what people are up in arms over?
Come on autism community! There’s so many more important things to get riled up and ticked off about.
Let this one go.
Cut Toni some slack.
That’s it. That’s all I got.
THE END.
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View Comments
I think the real crime is naming a child Diezel.
lol
so true, so true
Agree with Anonymous above! AD, you are right on again.
Thanks for posting this. I agree that there is no reason to get all bent out of shape on this.
amen to that one - silla goodlett
I'm far more bent out of shape that our officials are trying to cut educational jobs that help out kids - she's been there done that - her only crime is to say how she felt.
Amen - The media is the culprit as usual
Amen! As usual, people jump on the band wagon without reading the original words themselves. Wish we all could be a little kinder to each other and not so sensitive.
I agree with you. People can state their opinions if they choose to do so without everyone needing to crucify them. Really people, I am pretty sure you have some opinions that other people disagree with. I will say though that it is not just the autism community. My son is also Deaf and if there were someone out there publicly saying that their child's deafness was a punishment from God, you bet your ass the Deaf community would be very pissed off and would do the same, crucify her. Unfortunately it seems to be a running theme in a lot of tight knit communities. Too bad really. I would hope people who feel ostracized a lot would be more understanding of others. :-/
I too thought my previous abortion contributed to my sons autism diagnosis. "Payback", punishment, vengeance? No one knows for sure, but when you're hearing that your son has autism so many things go through your mind. I feel ya, Toni!
Nailed it! Thank you for your friggin' common sense! --shannon