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(originally written & published on May 6, 2011)
My wife and I know each other since 1986 in High School. We were friends in HS and would see each other when we came home from college and we started dating after college in 1993 when she asked me out.
And I can honestly say that we are exactly the same today as we were in the beginning. What I mean by that is that we still like the same exact things that we liked back then.
We love tv, we love movies, we love live music, we love going out and staying out late… And we try to do all of these things as often as humanly possible.
I find that most of my old friends with typical kids have grown up more and their tastes have changed, but the wife and I stay the same. And we go out alot more than our friends with typical kids. Yes thats because we have amazing family who we can ask or pay (niece) to watch Kyle, but it’s also because we need more breaks than your typical parents and we take them…often.
We find that most parents of typical kids or kids on the spectrum are not selfish enough. But we are selfish and get in our couple time and our alone time as necessary to make us better parents to Kyle. I’m on my company bowling team & I’m in a marathon running group. Those are currently my two outlets. The wife has several different mommy groups that she hangs with and there must be a moms night out and a mommy lunch at least 3-4 x a month. Those are the things we do individually to recharge our batteries. Then together we go to concerts (Weezer, Bon Jovi), out to dinner, out to plays in NYC, out late late to have a few beers and see a great bar band in a local dive bar.
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We often ask other couples to join us and we always hear “oh i’d love to but I can’t stay out that late anymore or I’ll pay for it tomorrow” and we’re like suck it up old timers! You only live once, I’ll take only 5 hours sleep and a crazy Kyle for a great night out.
Anyway I’m rambling but it just dawned on me why the wife and I are still very much the same. Kyle is currently kinda staying the same. While our friends with typical kids lives change as their kids mature,
we’ve been kinda raising a non-verbal 18month old for 7 years now. Our lives are kinda like the movie Groundhog Day, we’re replaying the same day over and over.
So our ways of dealing with it is to still act like dorky 23 year olds. I mean the wife and i still curse like sailors. We are perfectly fine if Kyle’s first words are MF-er. We still sometimes wait for Kyle to fall asleep and then we eat dinner on trays in front of the tv. We are big kids are heart. And we are both 41 years old and I honestly don’t see that ever changing.
I picture me & the wife at 60 years old at the diner at 2am after a great night out, negotiating with a sitter (watching a 27 year old Kyle) to stay for an extra hour so we can get another brownie ala mode.
Ok so I havent planned that far ahead…. That’ll be an expensive sitter in 2030 watching a 27 year old man… My plans for 2030 are for another more serious note…
Amyway that’s all I got. Just wanted to tell you all how selfish the wife and I are and to implore all of you to get out and reward yourselves as often as you can!!
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View Comments
All I have to say is AMEN BROTHER!
I think as parents of non typical kids we need to be selfish or we get lost in the shuffle or we explode from the pent up emotions. Do what you need to do, I am like your wife I find yoga and running very therapeutic!
So True....
Sounds pretty much like my daughter's situation...and after spending a day with my grandson, Noah going from opening the fridge to turning on the hot water 100 + times in a row, I need a break too. My daughter also likes the "F" word and as much as I tell her to watch her mouth, hearing my grandson say it would be music to my ears. Keep up the good work!
Good for you! My husband is still the same "kid" I married, but I am not. I have turned into an old fogey. I'm impressed you do what you do. I think I will make myself a New Year Resolution to do more fun stuff without our ASD kid. Thanks for the inspiration!
this made me cry. I am fun. My husband is fun. Since we had our son I feel like I've lost my best friend because we are both so stressed out. BUT HEY, things have to get better right? I think Im going to start interviewing babysitters. There has to be someone out there that I can trust. My family is all burnt out :(
Know the feeling hun xxx
I hear you! I have 3 year old twin boys. One has non verbal autism and the other is typical. My family is kind of useless. They don't see the kids much so my gf won't let them watch the kids. Her mother watches them every day while we work so we can't really ask her to watch them for dates on the weekend. We haven't had a date since July and that was a quick movie no dinner. We are burnt out too.
We're lucky if we get out once a month here...
Hi A daddy. I have been following your blog for a short while. Sorry if you already answered this or if it's too personal - if so delete immiedatly. Do you guys have other children? If not was autism a deciding factor?
I am glad you can go out. And envious. we have no family who will/can watch all three. Sometimes I am extremely resentful. We give each other breaks, but it is rarely (2 times per year?) together. Family gets old--relish what you have while you have it.
My hisband and I have had exactly one date since our son was diagnosed. Family is not really an option for childcare and we can't seem to find a babysitter. My husband gets out several times a year to see a concert with friends but somehow I can never manage it.
You are not selfish at all and I say if you have family and friends who are willing to help you out with Kyle and give you and the wife down time to just be with one another the Hell yeah do it. My husband and I have 5 boys 1 he brought into the relationship and 2 I brought and then our twins together who will be 5 on Sunday and I tell ya we take as much time away from the house as we can because if we didnt we would probably kill each other..lol Our Twins were just diagnosed with some of the spectrum disorders and have been kicked out of 3 daycares because I didnt feel they were emotionally ready for pre k so Im home with them all day every day and my breaks are much needed and taken and I dont feel selfish at all !! I do have one question for you how does Kyle do in school?? Im so nervous about them starting Kindergarden with the way they behave some times and now adays some teachers are so ugly to kids it just makes me nervous!! Well hope your day is awesome and keep on enjoying your alone time with the wife mine and the hubbys next away time is in 3weeks to the Southern 500 Im a big time Nascar fan so we get 3 days away yay:o)