It’s been a rough Thanksgiving Day for the king….and therefore for me…
We’ve been slowly increasing his dose of depakote (anti seizure med) over the past few weeks and last night was his first night at a new higher dose and today we had a flashback to the “summer of rage” Kyle.
Multiple meltdowns/ tantrums. Maybe they were hunger related, or bowel movement related, or maybe tired related, or maybe he just felt like throwing things and hitting me all day.
But boy this kid knows how to push my buttons! When he is in a “rage” I can see him looking around for something to throw or hit and he always seems to go for the most expensive or the most fragile things.
DustBuster, books, toys, hitting the tv, trying to overturn the tv in his room, and then just attacking yours truly. I got the brunt of it today. And this was all before we left for my in-laws for Thanksgiving dinner.
And I didn’t react well at all.
I was just really angry. When I got hit I yelled. And yes I even
raised my hand once or twice. It’s a knee jerk reaction. And when he was throwing things, I yelled…. Loudly…Big time.
My wife was able to control herself and have more sympathy & understanding of the situation. This is his first day on an increased dose. He’s eating more. So maybe he’s constipated. She took him in the backyard this morning and put him on the trampoline.
I thought all of those things too, but I couldn’t help myself. I was a raging lunatic for most of the morning & afternoon. And once I become a lunatic then very oftenl I make a bad situation worse.
Then we went to my in laws house for Thanksgiving dinner and it didn’t get much better. During the appetizers / antipasto he was starting to rage so the wife took him in the minivan to watch a DVD for 30-45 minutes.
He was a bit better when he came back in but he literally fell asleep at the table during the main course. I put him in their bedroom and napped for about 90 minutes. (he also napped yesterday)
So we got some respite there… but it was somewhat guilt ridden respite.
Then he got up and helped my father in law blow out his birthday candles (the king loves to blow out candles).
After that he wasn’t raging, but he wasn’t all there. He wasn’t easily engaged. He wasn’t really “present”.
He ate a little dinner. And then started raging again. So I took him and Paula home and left my wife there to hang out.
I’m writing this sitting in the dark outside his bedroom leaning against the door. He’s almost asleep. It’s 9:22pm. I can hear him holding his breath as he falls asleep. Oh yeah… The amount of breath holding was absolutely insane today. And again he does that in all awake situations (happy, sad, mad, etc)
Let’s just hope this is a one day anomaly and let’s hope this all has to do with him adjusting to the new dose and he will settle in quickly
They’ve been seeing a lot of these kinds of behaviors at school the past few weeks..but we hadn’t seen them much at all at home…until now…
And the thought of 3 more days off from school makes me shudder.
That’s all folks. The end.
🙁
Hope your Thanksgiving was better than ours.
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Hang in there. It will get better, its probably an adjustment to the meds. Try to reboot once he goes to sleep and get some time for yourself! Wishing you guys well.
I am so sorry your holiday was so difficult. My husband and I have been in your shoes more times than I can count with our son. I'll be keeping all of you in my prayers and hope things get better for you soon.
We have been in your shoes many many times. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Oh, those Rough Days truly are rough. I feel you. Thanks for being honest with us about the good and the bad; it's comforting to know we're not alone. I hope tomorrow is much better for the King and for you. - Julie
AD - I am so sorry it was a raging day. I wish there was something ai could write to lift your spirits. Here's hoping that tomorrow is a new (and much better) day!
Maybe you could have held out on increasing his dose today as you knew you would be with the in laws for a while.Anwyways I think tommorow will be a great day.one suggestion you might want to read "the secret" by Rhonda Byron.It's a great book to help you during such days.
AD - Have a drink, try to chill, watch a movie or something to take your mind off the crappy day. Sorry things didn't go well -- we've all had days that we'd like to forget. Tell yourself tomorrow will be better. It probably will be.
So sorry your thanksgiving didnt go smoothly.Your an amazi g dad and you shouldnt be so hard on yourself.You are a parent afterall,and your allowed to get angry if he acts out- I know i do with my son.Just breath...,,watch some good tv and rest your mind.
You ARE a great Dad! We're human and we cannot have unlimited patience and tolerance every second of every day. This is f'n hard. Tomorrow is another day. Thanks for your honesty. We have two other (NT) boys and my temper with them can be very bad at times. It's just one day at a time bro :-)
I read your blog often and it is clear to me that you and your wife are great parents who love their son very much. We've all had days like this, when we feel we've made a bad situation worse. Maybe it's because we try to put unrealistic expectations on ourselves, especially around the holidays? Regardless, like everyone else said, tomorrow is a new day.
Never feel bad about the knee-jerk reaction after getting hit. I used to feel awful about yelling/defending myself, etc., after an attack, but when you are in a combat situation and somebody is attacking you, even a loved one, it is very hard to remain calm and passive and have patience. It's human instinct. I hope your day is better tomorrow. We had a very hard night tonight too. Lots of meltdowns and tears (for everyone), especially hard to see the impact that it has on my younger son, who was trying to enjoy his Thanksgiving without violent incidence :-( Thanks so much for sharing, as always, your honest feelings. It helps very much to know that we aren't alone.