12 Things I Let My Son w/ Autism Do That Most Parents Of Typical Kids Wouldn’t Allow

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• I so agree with these. My children are three and four and my three year old does have some language but it isn't that functional. When he speaks or says something, no matter what, I am going to shout it from the rooftops! I also totally agree with the splashing in puddles, tubs and pools and all about the food. My four year old will not eat very many foods so when he requests something I try hard to get it for him. We are in a drought in Texas, also, and we have had few puddles. The other day there was a rain and a few small puddles. The bus driver went out of her way to cover the puddles that my son was sooooo happily eyeing. I felt really bad. I so wanted to splash in those. When he got home, I made sure he splashed in them to his heart's content, even though I had to change him quickly for his therapy session. I didn't care. His utter joy was worth it and always will be.

  • i so agree with all of the above, I'm a 55 year old name is Judy and I'm raising my great nephew as our son. we have had him since birth and he is severally autistic so we let him do everyone of those things and more. we love him a lot and want him to be better but would not change him for the world.he is four.

  • I know the feeling...my 14 year old son is autistic also and i pick my battles with him as well, like peeing in cups and leaving them in the bathroom....eating aLL NIGHT LONG...we have since put a lock on the fridge.....i just wish my husband whom is not his father would understand, he makes a federal case of everything he does and constantly yells at me for everything and accuses me of letting him do what ever he wants..which is not true, but it makes it hard to deal if find myself covering up everything he does so i dont have to hear his crap anymore!

  • i like the ideal of a service dog

    great points sounds so like my son matty who is nine too

  • As a person who works with children with severe autism, I must say that when parents let thier child behave however, with no limits, just to avoid a struggle, it makes working with them very difficult. They need to learn socially excepted behavior. They cannot be running the show,throwing tantrums,or behaving aggressively towards others.Your not helping him. It's an up hill battle for the teachers and very frustrating .

  • As a parent of a child with autism and a teacher of children with autism , I respectfully disagree with the anonymous comment above. I will never place limits on my child or my students. You kind of sound like an ABAer that tries to train the autism out of a child. Am I right? Did I just start an internet fight cause I am not prepared and really mean this to not be offensive. Nervous to hit send now :).

  • Anonymous of December 26, 2012 12:21pm entry

    How very audacious of you to criticise a parents parenting choices. You may work with children but these parents are the experts in their field, and their field is their children and they will know what works best for their childrens health and well-being and emotional and social capabilities. We all want our children to progress but we also know they need a different path through life's challenges...
    To me it sounds as though you and the teachers you mention wish to control the children..not at all helpful...Hah! just read comment above from Shanell, whom I completely agree with..enough said

  • I let my boys, do all those things. I'm also the mom who has her rubber boots on too, and is also splashing in the puddles!!!!

  • you sound just like me, My wife says I treat him as if he's the finest silk, I see my son as a reason to live. dramatic huh? I wake up with him at 2 am to watch little einstiens and ya some people say holy crud really? my wife says I feed in to the hitting,screaming and allow him to get away with eting and doing whatever he wants I say heres my 10 list
    1)if you feel the need to get up at 2-3 am after only a couple hrs sleep then fine, thats what they make rockstar drinks for. I'm sacraficing my sleep for you!
    2)pb&j sounds good to me heck every kid from my generation grew up on it, I try to slide in other things but choose my battles.
    3)screaming ya ok it's nerve racking at times but when you can't talk I understand how frustrating that must be.sign as you scream and we're cool.
    4)run whenevr wherever I'll clear the path. I bought an obscene amount of land to run wild and not have neighbors gawking.
    5)sleep in bed with you? sure lets go I get around 2-3 hrs a day when my wife and daughter get 6-8 I don't complain to much so why is it such a problem with everyone else?
    6)pacifyer, no I will not take it from you,your security blanket either. Let's just get some rockstar one ok?
    7)hitting? ya I probably should correct him more but, he's three,starting to see he's differant and can't talk!
    8)spoiling? I will buy everything to find what you likethat week. Sensory changes from day to day so supplying my kids needs? or spoiling you choose.
    9)yes he controls the huge vizio hanging on the wall, my son relates to disney and dreamworks movies and I spend 50-150 a month on them. but I was also that 20 year old running out to buy shrek 1 for myself on release date so lets watch em all. you name it we have it.
    10) you can do no wrong. my wife and daughter are starting to resent me and him. I grew up with severe autism and no1 tried to understand me only beat it out but that dosn't work just causes hatred and now I have my son who I can help,whom I understand,whom ya I will alsways protect. did I sacrafise all hopes of success,and acomplishments? I guess that depends on what you want to acomplish,and how success is measured. signing out from one dad to another Jon Jackson from Minnesota
    4

  • My son Link who is two almost three was just diagnosed with ASD. I must say he is the most amazing person in my world. And after reading your comment your son sounds so similar to mine. Even with the Disney/Dreamworks movies. "Cars" is his favorite right now. But he does love the original Alice in Wonderland as well! Anyways the reason I'm responding is because I have SO much respect for you! Everyone around me says that I do the same exact things for my son, that I spoil him, buy him too much, etc. But you know what I found the coolest little remote led helicopter for 14 dollars the other day at a Walgreens, (I always check every toy or random isle for something that he might find interest in), and that was the best money I have spent this week! He absolutely loves it and it makes my dad to play with him for hours and hear him laugh! Keep doing what you do for him! He NEEDS you and you are such an amazing person for what you do for him!
    Jaz

  • In response to shanell.. I am talking about violent tantrums towards teachers and other students because they are allowed in the home. students should not have to worry about unprovoked physical attacks and teachers should not have to take trips to the hospital for bites.that is the kind of behavior we are dealing with.It is dangerous and not ok.

  • This is for the teachers & helpers. Mainly the one negatively commenting above.. - - - Im not about to be anonymous. My name is Billy Starnes from Meridian MS. My 3 yr old daughter is autistic. I agree 150% with "autistic daddy" about EVERYTHING. I too, let my daughter Jaden do basically anything she wants- within reason. I dont , and do not believe that any other parent out there with an autistic child, LETS & ALLOWS them be physically abusive to themselves or others. As far as tantrums- Most child psychologists will tell you that when your child throws a tantrum, that unless they are in danger of hurting themselves or someone else to simply ignore it, and it will soon pass. You have to remember that these children have LEARNING DISORDERS. If you cannot grasp the concept & meaning of that then obviously YOU have a LEARNING DISORDER as well. In the words of Ignacio Estrada "If children cant learn the way that we teach, then maybe we should teach the way that they learn". Its hard enough to raise a non-autistic child to listen and follow every demand & command because... you said to. Again .....LEARNING DISORDER. I did notice that you made no mention of YOU having an autistic child_ but only that you help in the classroom. YOU are the kind of person that I fear is helping in my daughters class that she attends. If you, yourself had an autistic child, then you would be more understanding & patient with these kids. You do not have, in my opinion, the proper attitude or outlook towards these kids or their best interests and should find another line of work. These children need someone with a lot of patience & understanding. Someone who actually DOES care. Someone like myself, my wife, and Mr. Autistic Daddy. Your opinion on my comment is totally irrelevant to me & I could not care less, but if you do have anything you would like to address outside FB- feel free to email me at 777@inbox.com . ----- To Autistic Daddy: You rock bro. You sound like an awesome dad. Keep doing what you do / exactly how you wanna do it. When push comes to shove, WE are ALL our autistic kids have. Some are just around them for a paycheck.

  • AnonymousJanuary 7, 2013 at 9:23 AM
    In response to shanell.. I am talking about violent tantrums towards teachers and other students because they are allowed in the home. students should not have to worry about unprovoked physical attacks and teachers should not have to take trips to the hospital for bites.that is the kind of behavior we are dealing with.It is dangerous and not ok.

    And who was teaching the NT children NOT to do these same things to the teachers and to MY AUTISTIC CHILD? My son learned biting hurts because he was bitten by an "normal" child! He has been hit had hair pulled been tripped even had his clothes cut with scissors... ALL by so called normal kids in his mainstream classroom - The Normal kids Scream at the teacher or throw things and NEVER apologize - My autistic son may have his occasional meltdown in class over thinking he is going to "fail" at a lesson - HE HATES to do badly - but he says he is SORRY almost instantly - and even writes I'm sorry on paper with a heart - YOU act in your comment like the only "bad kids" are kids with disabilities and that we "encourage" them by changing our expectations... Well the strictest parents of the Normals don't seem to be succeeding in making them "perfect" so maybe they should lack their standards and pick their battles and TEACH their children not to pick on the kids that do have special needs! You should not be in any classroom if you feel as if all children should be little robots you can power down if they dont behave correctly... and I feel sorry for any children you may one day have - On Second thought - MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH A CHILD THAT TEACHES YOU how to treat the world and HOW to ACCEPT EVERYONE!

    MOST parents - regardless of their childrens needs or normalcy would want them to behave horridly toward another human being, child or adult. Some cannot help it - some have issues, some are just "bad" - Parents of Autistic kids DO TRY, and ya know what WE NEVER GIVE UP - there are plenty of Normal kids out there in JAIL! Because their parents said "oh not my child", or I dont know what to do with him/her and they GAVE UP! They should have been blessed with a PARENT who jumped in puddles with them and let them be kids - maybe then they would have grown up to be WELL ROUNDED Caring adults!

  • God Bless you!

  • Just Bravo! :)

  • Kudos!! My son is verbal and on the more mild side of the Autism scale, but I too have learned that picking my battles is an important part of keeping my sanity. I love to watch him experience things for the first time. This year he is playing coach pitch for the first time, and I am the parent cheering even when he is twirling in circles or playing in the dirt, because this is the first year I could get him out there on the field. You are an awesome dad...keep it up!

  • I know I marked Anonymous, but my name is Sara, and I live in Texas. Billy and others, I agree with some things you said, and some things I disagree. Iam a parent of a fairly non-verbal 7 year old autistic girl, so I can identify with the parents issues, however, I do draw a line sometimes because I do know she can be capable of many things, she just doesn't want to them. I'm sure you as parents have heard Temple Grandin speak. She was quite severe, but had parents/instructors that set standards she had to do her best to meet, and she did. And she is a big advocate about not assuming AU kids can't do something just because of a label. I don't underestimate what my childs limits are just because she is not NT. My daughter is magic and exceptional, but she is not like everyone else AND I DON'T CARE. She is different, not less than anyone else...as can be said about all of us. But the bottom line is, the world isn't gonna change, and if I want to do all I can to help her make it in this world, I will. P.S. I don't think you should berate the ABA therapists and/or teachers either. p.p.s. "Autism Daddy" you're hysterical, and I loved the blog.

  • I totally agree with the Dad and billy :) I have a non verbal 5 yr old sone whom I pretty much let him do what ever as long as no one will get hurt. so he gets dirty, or wet the smileon his face is worth it! there are way too many nasty people in this world that will look at our children with a dirty looks the one blessing is that our children could really careless what those idiots think they pay them no mind. so my son taught me something ignore the jerks who are too uptight to enjoy life. :)

  • BRAVO BILLY! I think you just summed it nicely for ALL of us. Thank you, Jennifer Laura

  • hey thanks for saying just what i was thinking if she had a kid that is autistic then her comments wouldn't have came out the way she was thinking i to have a pretty cool three year old autistic kid. I never knew what it was until I had one myself when i told his dad he didn't want to accept it til he saw for his self how he is NOW he tells me about he also was like this growing up noone knew what it was we are now 40years old and just not understanding this illness thanks to all the father's that are helping their kids to the fullest I love you guys for this Asiha Jones a great autistic mom that rocks right alone with my son

  • Can someone tell me if this is normal....

    To sleep in the bed with your 5 y.o. autistic son (James) and your new girlfriend??

    To carry on making love to your girlfriend even if your 5 y.o. autistic son walks in ("he doesn't know whats happening")??

    James is a very well adjusted autistic boy and his dad is great with him otherwise.

    Sophie

  • I have a DD with autism. I would NEVER let her just do whatever she wants all the time, that's INSANE. How could I expect her teachers to teach her when she has zero boundaries? there is no sense sending them to school if you are going to un do everything they try to do. I agree with letting them have a lot more freedom to discover - for sure, but zero rules? that's not fair to my daughter, how confusing to have no rules at home and a bunch at school? yes, it may be easier not to " battle" but def hurts my child in the long run. I want her to at least try to start to learn how to function in a non autism world - - Louise

  • I used to work in an ABA school where students were very frequently aggressive. To the commenter above that also works with autistic children: I encourage you to look at the programming in your school and determine if any of the expectations within the program are causing the students severe anxiety. Just from the wording, "socially expected behavior" it seems you might be utilizing MGW's social thinking curriculum. MGW curriculum was not created to be used with non-verbal autistic people. If you create an environment that produces anxiety then you are creating an environment that leads to tantrums and aggressions.

    My experience in the ABA school is that TOO MUCH was being worked on at once. There were way too many expectations, and not nearly enough relationship development or allowing students to explore their own interests. If students are frequently aggressing that means that they don't feel safe. People cannot learn when they don't feel safe--anxiety reduces our working memory by 40%! Create an environment where a student feels comfortable, and then choose one or two specific goals and work on those goals. Yes, the student might aggress while working on those goals, but if they're allowed to feel safe the rest of the day they won't be aggressing all of the time. If they are working on goals all day long they never feel safe and of course they'll aggress frequently.

    This sounds like a programmatic problem, not a parenting problem.

    And yes, a small number of parents allow their autistic children to do whatever they want. Not most of them, and certainly none of the people on this page have expressed in any way that they don't have any expectations of their child. Their expectations might be different than what you or another educator wants them to be, but parents are just as much a part of an IEP team as educators, and you don't get to decide a children's goals for them.

    -Briana, MA

  • My Name is Ms. Tracy Smith, I was married to my husband for 13 years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until 2009 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 6 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave he the job. since that day, when i called him, he don’t longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to a very good love spell caster. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has nothing to do with pay first. but the only thing he was ask to do was just to go and buy the items to cast the spell, and that was what she did. And she gave me the spell caster e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, i was so surprise when he said that if i have the faith that i will get my husband back in the nest three [3] day, and off which it was really so. but i was so shock that i did not pay any thing to Dr.obadam, but my husband was on his knells begging me and the children for forgiveness. This testimony is just the price i have to pay. This man obadam is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address obadamtemple gmail.com

  • to AnonymousJanuary 7, 2013 at 9:23 AM

    I sincerely recommend you get another Job. Dealing with people with ASD or with special needs is not something for you. You may have the training but not the understanding.

  • Im mike from england. I have 2 sons with asd 4 yr old and 12yr old. I have read this blog and think its brilliant. To all the parents who have kids with asd i say this. You are the experts without you telling doctors and so called experts what is happening to your kids no one would even know about asd! Keep up the good work. As for the teachers and doctors who have contact with kids with asd. If you just take your head out of the sand long enough you might realise that these kids can teach us alot and have alot to offer.

  • YOU GO BILLY STARNES!!! DITTO EVERYTHINGYOU SAY!! I am a parent AND a teacher and while I too struggle with being socially acceptable when out in public I believe life is worth enjoying and living. My son is 12 now and presents to the outside world as neurotypical so we get a lot of "your son is a brat and you suck as a parent" looks.....When he was younger he had a t-shirt that stated very clearly " I HAVE AUTISM>>>>MY SISTERS HAVE NO EXCUSE" I need to get him one again...anyways wanted to add to the list......I let my son hide under the table/booths at restaurants if he needs to.. His needs have diminished in this area but if we have to eat and it has to be out in a restaurant then we eat and if you don't like it then don't look....unfortunately he is larger no and doesn't always quite fit! lol oh and also much to the chagrin of my "new to the family" husband, I also let him stand on the coffee able so he can watch his facial expressions in the mirrir....it drives my husband crazy....but the table was a trash freebie and my sons happiness is priceless.

  • I agree Billy. I am the Mother of 3 non-autistic boys. I let them do most of these things as well. I cannot pretend to know what the parent of an autistic child lives everyday, but I do understand the want and the need to do the very best to make your child happy and healthy. You know your child better than anyone else. Maureen Doyle

  • Seriously? ..im in awe after reading some of these..Teachers and autism specialists should have more consideration. If all your worried about is if our autistic children are going to bite you or have a tantrum at school then why the hell are YOU working in that field. They need to help, love and guidance.. not that crap. Talking like their dangerous.. anyone can be dangerous. My son is the sweetest child ive ever met.. whether he has tantrums or not.. they dont get to control what's going on inside them.
    I could rant forever because my son with autism is my whole world and im appalled that anyone could have anything negative to say on this guys post. Autism daddy seems to be doing everything he can with his wife, I can relate to all of these. Keep up the amazing work your doing everyone. Its people who think like that, that discourages me. You don't want to worry bout gettin big n scratched at work? Find a job in a bouncy house. Come on.

  • Amen!

  • yep... totally agree and wish I could say it as well as you And let me just say that us autism mommies love our Autism daddies.((((hugs to all of you))).

• That totally sounds like me...I do the samething Nd for the same reason...I usually do what he wants to keep him happy as long as its not hurting himself or anyone else

• As much as I agree w/ most I fine it hard to agree w/allowing a child to eat w/their hands and run any-where but home because in time some-parent or parents will be expecting teachers an staff to break these habits that will never be excepted by society anymore then ppl wanting to change the diaper of an older child in school.

  • Some of us have severe autistic children and don't have the luxury of teaching them to be just like everyone else or how to behave like everyone else, so anytime we can get them to just be happy in a world that does not accept them in the first place , forgive us but we tend to get alittle excited. The world has given up on these kids and all they have is us parents. Mine (2 ASD kids) have already been shut off from the world since they do not learn like everyone else, this is a 24/7 job of parenting, and we do take it very seriously.

  • Eating with your hands and running around isn't the end of the world. And for kids who already have been shunned and rejected by "outsiders" why bother continuing trying to force them to be something they're not (and making them miserable and harming them in the process) just so the outsiders looking in are more comfortable?

    My sons will always come first. LOOOONG before any judgemental strangers.

  • Oh and by the way, the parents of the kids who are still in diapers when they're older aren't that fond of changing them either. It's not like either us or our kids chose to have so much trouble potty training. That's just sometimes in the mix when your child is more severe. Try to quit judging.

  • Well it sounds like what I used to do with my grandson Camdon .We jumped in puddles ,mud he loved the mud,danced in the rain, caught snow flakes in our mouths.I did not care what anyone thought o said we just have fun. He is older now andjust wants to do it with his younger brother.He wants me to tape it.

  • anonymous@2:59 ....wtf? for reals? i have three stunningly bright normal kids, and one profoundly autistic nonverbal. guess what? the sky did not fall when i tossed "rules" and "expectations" out the window and addressed my beloved little girls particular needs from a creative approach that suits her. who the %#@$ really cares what "society" or "staff" or such want? why would their "needs" take precedence over the needs of MY very dependent child?

  • To be honest, I really don't care what others think, or what society thinks, I wouldn't want my child to be like them anyway. I just want him to be himself, and if that upsets someone, so be it. They will have to learn to deal with it, because I don't care. People need to learn tolerance and acceptance, this cripples more of us than any disability. Thanks Tamara.

  • I agree with all of the above responses to Anon@2:59! Let them do, because there is so much that they don't. Love ya AD and the top 10+!

  • cant believe some people get on their high horse n judge. i absolutely echo kyles dad as i have a very similar son n i too pick my battles. i have a 6 year old still in nappies does not talk and eats well with his hands . of course we try to get our kids to eat with a spoon you complete muppet, but as with most kids like kyle n my lucas we fail and so do the schools n the other people but still we keep trying but we cant starve our sons that we love so dearly so to see them happy and eating we go to bed that night content n hope we can win that battle another day. what do you want us to do starve our kids n leave them screaming n unhappy for hours its people that judge that cause the word disabilty because if everyone understood it would not be a disability, its society n clueless peole like yourself that make life harder than it already is. i love the top 10 and its gr8 to know there are people out there who are living a parallel life. Keith very proud austism daddy :)

  • OMG! "Who gives a shit what society thinks anyway???" When you have a son or daughter who has autism, you'll do anything to make your child happy. Partially, because a lot of the time they can be quite unhappy in their own skin. If my son (who has autism) wants to run in any hallway I will let him. He will always be allowed to eat with his hands if needed. I don't care what looks or stares I get. (which we do quite often) However, I also get strangers who come up and tell me what a great Mom I am to my precious son. All I care about is that he is happy and healthy. Society can "kiss my ass" as far as I'm concerned!!!

  • The last comment from Anonymous: I totally agree with. Society is ignorant. My Naphew has been diagnosed with Autism - he is 4- and every day I pray - i pray hard for him to be safe and happy. So to the ignorant public who raise their eyebrows 'get stuffed' and 'open your minds'. May god almighty help all our children,

  • I agree, I teach children with autism and it is my job to teach functional skills in the classroom in hopes they will generalize these skills outside of the school. Eating with fingers, peeing in cups, running around (sometimes naked) might be accepted in your home but certainly no where else.

  • imn about to spaze out reading this post i have autism as a child i had fine motor iusse an so on to the point i was miss dx with cp.i was not allowed to do any of these thing i had therhy that help .i have friebnds who are so severe they do not eat with there hands i understand not wanting to get in to it but he is 9 there are therhy prougam that work on feeding an all that stuff it really importent that he lears all the app social skills now becuse when he is a teen / adult an he in situion .eatting in public do u want him eating with his hands then an running .i can tell you from my point of veiw an being with friends who have been tread an taught an rasied like me an those that got away with everything becuse they have autism an all diff leavels .it make a big diff .ya i hated at times what i went through but i now no i wouldnt be on the leavel i am if it wasnt for my parents an my therist .i still get help .an im hf in alot of areas now but im not hf in some .but my parents were basly told i never be abvle to be any more then be in group home an work shop or be hospital or what ever .im doing many things i they were told i never do .i had a lot of behavoirs to .i still have meltdowns sometimes an im sure that i may come off diff when out sometimes .but if no one work on my behaviors .i be still acting like a 4 year old .all ways expct more from him then you think he can really do he may supprise u .i supprise them all .

  • Again to the teachers / wtf did you expect when you decided to pursue a career in working with children with LEARNING DISABILITIES ???? You knew what you were up against or at least you should have. You should have known all about autistic children & what you would face. These are OUR children who look to US for comfort, love, and safety. The "standard" way of raising a child does not apply when you dont have the "standard" child. If you didnt know these things when you started in this career , then your instructors failed you miserably, as I fear that all of you will fail our children from your lack of patience & understanding, but most of all from your ignorance to think these children should behave "normally" McDonalds & WalMart are usually hiring the majority of the time. I think you would be much better suited for those positions- - - but be warned.... a lot of our children act better in WalMart than some "normal" ones. So ya know....telemarketing is probably more suitable employment for you. You should check it out !!!! Have a great day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • In reply to Billy Starns; Please read comments by "Lyric Notes" above your last reply on jan, 24th .... enough said.

  • with all do respect to anon559 you are an ignorant human being. In india, a developed country with very intelligent and educated people.....They eat with their hands...it's actually rude to use a utensil. Clearly you don't live there

  • I do not have ASD, none of my children have ASD (that I know of, and they are all grown now anyway) and I do not teach learning different children. But really!!!! This much discussion about eating with fingers?? Seriously?? People are actually offended? OMG, like there are more serious issues in the world than if a person chooses (if indeed they have a choice) to eat with utensils or not! Let people grow and be comfortable being themselves and stop trying to get square pegs fit into round holes for the sake of what "society" deems appropriate. Thank you, end of rant, Nana in Canada.

  • no one is expecting you to break there habit what we do expect is for you to not control our children but help them with every day problems like playing and being a part of a group we do not expect or want you to change your children. I have 3 kids with special needs and if my 3 year old autistic child want to jump up and down for a hour guess what I will be ther jumping with him. For all the parents do some research about the teachers that your kids will be seen in school and it's simple if you don't like the teacher or how they act in class take your kids to a better school and for the idiotic teachers out there go back to school learn something

  • Lyric Notes hit it out of the ballpark. That poster has the longevity and experience to speak to the matter more than some of the parents who are simply seeing the issue in an immediate and emotionally invested state. Parents should do everything possible to accommodate their children's specific needs, advocate fiercely to the schools and legislatures, love and protect them against all dangers and injustices possible, but the long term goals have to stay the focus. Setting high expectations is a good thing. Setting attainable and useful goals is a great thing, but have high expectations within those goals and children will achieve more. From growing up in a household with a mentally disabled sister and then working in education with children with different needs, I promise you that it takes more self discipline and repetitious follow through to advance and help a child on the spectrum than it does so called normal children. Acquiescing to every whim because of a disability is doing a disservice in the long run even if it makes you both feel better in the moment. - - KLW

  • I can't believe the rude comments from these so called educators. Please do us all a favor and find another field. As a parent of two Autistic children, one who also has CP, and who is not potty trained yet, we don't really care what you think or say. We don't care if you stare and make rude comments. You are the truly ignorant ones! I will do what is best for MY child, regardless!

  • Oh Please How many times have you picked up and ate a sandwich (eating with your hands) while running out the door or grabbed a couple chips (with your hands) while you are walking to do something??? Give me a break not socially acceptable to eat something on the go with your hands. If you go back and read the initial post he clearly states that they are working on this skill and do not allow it for every meal! You cannot tie the child down to every meal being a battle or the poor child will not eat at all. You can only work on a skill so much per day no matter what the skill is or it becomes horrifying for both the child and the parent!!

  • I feel like people are getting confused with how big a spectrum autism is. If your child is high functionning and is likely to go on and live independently in the future then of course you will not be accepting things like eating with hands. However, if your child is more severe, if for example, responding to their name and looking at you when you come in a room are considered successes, then you do need to readjust your expectations, and using a knife and fork, or walking sensibly down corridors, simply become less omportant.

  • The sad part is a lot of special education college courses even state in their books that special education is the most lacking educational field there is. My book quoted "If you are looking for a educational career that's easy to obtain, then Spec Ed is the field for you." My first thought was no wander it's so hard to find a good teacher for my High Functioning, Bipolar Manic Daughter. And sadly that might be the reason that said person chose this profession. To use words like "act normal" is a disgrace to those that DO help our children. And definitely the reason I chose to go back to school and study psychology and special needs therapy. So that our blessings feel blessed and not shunned.

    And to the person who wrote that. If you ever told my child to "act normal" you would have a discrimination lawsuit on your hands. Her teachers and therapists who do think she is completely normal have helped her more by accepting her and teaching her than trying to change her!

• Well my 3 year old has no interest in using utensils so what am I suppose to do make him starve...

  • Of course not all I'm saying is that little ppl to grow up to be big ppl and yes you except ur child as u should but don't get upset when this habit can't be broken @ a later age in life or expecting the school to break it,I don't care if a child parents allow them to eat w/their hands @ age 3,6,12,16 etc..

  • My son eats mostly with his hands maybe 95% of the time. He is in school and I do NOT expect the school to break it. I also make accomidations for him. I send him to school with his lunch, packing only finger foods. I don't see the issue and I do NOT expect the school system to be responsible for my child using utensils. Now if they can get him to write I wouldn't mind lol. ;)

  • My four year old still requires feeding, that's me feeding him. Not because he can't feed himself (and he knows how to use utensils), but he just won't eat unless I feed him. I feed him at home, at family gatherings, and in public. If he won't eat on his own by the time he gets married then it's his wife's problem (little humor there...haha). There are foods he will eat, mostly finger foods and when he starts eating lunch at school I too will pack those foods that he will eat on his own for his lunch. I want him to be healthy and happy, and if that means I feed him, well then, I feed him.

• When my son was 3 years old, I started babysitting for a 2 and 4 year old...one day my son was jumping on the bed and I went in there and joined him and I had the other two kids jumping too. The parents of the kids I babysat asked me what this was all about me letting them jump on the bed and I said, I remembered being a kid and having a lot of fun doing it and so I joined them...the kids mom thought well I guess I'll try it and the next time she brought the kids the 4 year old had a cast on his arm...I felt good that they were learning how to have fun but I felt bad that he broke his arm...she didn't have me babysit much longer...lol. My son and I continued this behavior probably until he was 6 or 7 without incident. Seriously I would really like to know who makes up some of the rules out there because some have no benefits for children whatsoever. For example, I've heard more than one doctor say, "Don't pick up your baby when he/she crys; let him/her cry for a while, clean out his/her lungs,...blah, blah, blah" Bahumbug! As soon as my kids and grandkids cry I am right there to hold them, check their diapers, see if they're hungry or thirsty, or whatever. This did not spoil them. It made them feel secure. It made them feel loved. It made them feel important and worthy. It felt like the right thing to do to me therefore, it was.

  • I just read your thing about leaving a name...I didn't see that option in the drop down box but I wrote this one about when my son was 3-
    Honey Halley

• It is truly an honor to be mentioned in your blog! I absolutely know what you are talking about..with the tub thing most of all. We regularly have water dripping down into the livingroom most all the time. Thank you!!

• My son jumps all the time and sometimes I join him and he loves it..he smiles and laughs and that is worth everything... To see him enjoy playing with me..it does not happen often..he keeps to himself alot

• Sounds like my house too! My Son is always naked though. =)

  • We have that problem too :) Thank goodness he keeps his pullup on most of the time.

• I absolutely love reading your blog. I feel the same. Although we are pretty strict w the utensils and eating at the table anything else is open game. My 5year old daughter is non verbal as well. If she expresses interest in wanting something and communicates it to us not only are we proud but we are bending over backwards to make it happen. Outsiders don't understand why we do what we do, that's ok because life is about making yourself and children happy not those looking in. Margo T

• Lol love this mine are jumping on the furniture ( at age two he fell off the sofa and got hurt but we also found out he had cancer because of that fall) so now it's a jump for all , Starbucks hot chocolate so what if we are late to school by 5 mins he went in and was good in line and was nice to people and not I'm the king move or I scream so yep Starbucks lol wearing a swimsuit in the shower makes him feel better and things are still washed just under a suit . Pancakes for dinner and peas and chicken for breakfast mmmm he ate a veggie I'm good lol. At 11 banging on pots and pans at least there is a vauge beat of the Beatles. On the whole he's happy and I'm sane ( sorta) my son has enough crap to deal with be a kid and have fun he's not hurting anyone else or himself!