10 “Polite” Things People Say To Autism Parents That Can Be Annoying / Frustrating….

View Comments

• I would like to hear the Top 10 Things you would LIKE people to say/ask in the next blog :) -Barb

  • "Is what youre doing appropriate?"

  • Loved this Autism Daddy- it made me laugh and I don't swear but the top caption I 100% agree with.
    What about the: Ah what are you going to do with him later?
    I say what do you mean?
    You know when he is an adult?
    I say with confidence- there are cages for then.

  • my son has pretty serious meltdowns...he's 11, 100 lbs., and very strong...he's a gentle boy most of the time, but when that meltdown hits, watch out!! He will lunge at anyone...he does not discriminate...kids, teachers, me, the computer chair, etc...but my favorite line to date was from a family member after being the brunt of his meltdown, and AFTER I aplogized for him....it went like this..."I don't know WHY he does that, but I hope he doesn't do it at school..." ummm, which school? The school for disabled children? The one that deals with aggression and behaviors all day? Oh...yeah...I knew he was there for a reason :P...to top it off, that was 2 months ago, and I haven't heard from that person since

  • My dad always says Leave the kid alone he's not hurting anyone, stop hovering over him. But the second he is in his house and I sit down for 5 seconds my dad is like Wendy why aren't you watching that kid he keeps playing with the bathroom door. But dad he's not HURTING ANYONE.

    But the worst was when I was by my Aunt for thanksgiving one year and my Uncle has all this "stuff" (like a piano) but the kids are not aloud to touch it. the other kids understand and are fine but Eyan just doesn't get it so he had a 3 hour (on and off) meltdown while I stayed outside the house with him and let my family eat in peace. My aunt says to me "I don't know how you do it, it's a shame he's so cute, you know"it"will never get any better" WTF so let me get this straight he should be ugly would that make it better to deal with for you oh and he's only 3 he might not ever be your form of perfect but he will grow and have many great days what would you like me to do ship him off to some hosp, and btw "It" is my son, your only grand nephew, And he is hard, only because I am still learning his world and I don't care if it takes the rest of my life I will never give up.
    I left and told my mom that I will NEVER go to their house again, if they can't except my son then they can't see me or my family ever again.

    A few months later at christmas at another Aunts house I hear from my Uncle (that doesn't like kids) He's doing so much better since he started that school.... I told him right to his face. "No Unc, He's doing so much better today 'cause he is allowed to touch stuff in this house like the piano and he feels comfortable here"

  • How about "He's autistic? He looks so normal" lol

  • Yes, I get, "Wow I had no idea." from people. Which tempts me to ask, "So you just think I have a normal four year old that I can't rear/discipline in any way whatsoever."

  • I assume you would prefer something along the lines.

    "What the F$&k is wrong with him, get my figurines out of his mouth now. You are the most worthless parent ever for letting your child put them in his mouth. I mean seriously what kind of moron, raises their kid to act like that. You are what is wrong with this world. People like you with children like that. Oh great now he is going for the knives, I hope he stabs your before he starts chewing on it."

  • I wouldnt have guessed if you didn't tell me

  • The worst things I always get is 2 things. First, I always get "My cousin's, brothers, step mothers, grandmother has autism, so I understand." Fact of the matter is no, you don't understand. Having to live with it on a daily basis, and caring for a child that you dearly love but have nothing you can do do to help him. Knowing the helplessness that you'll never have a normal relationship with your child that most other parents take for granted. Stop trying to say you understand when you have no clue.

    #2 to me is "Have you looked into groups in the area so you can find other parents with autistic children?"...Nah really? I'm sure I sat on my ass in a closet and did zero research on this even though I just listed 20 research papers on the subject, dozens of therapists we've considered or are using, and 7 groups locally that I've been in contact with. The derp is strong in this question, and it always makes me facepalm.

  • yep all the time..
    In my head it's like: Do you even know what autism is? Thank you for your expert opinion but I think the diagnosis signed by a licensed neuro-psychologist/doctor is a slightly more informed opinion. Thanks though for your attempt at making him feel included, I am sure he appreciates it!!

  • The school teacher often say so and so is "good " to him This phrase drives me crazy.

• These are fantastic - I also love -" They might grow out of it" and my friend got the other day - Well as he is not like that in school you MUST be parenting him wrong at home"

  I have one son with high functioning and get told all the time that he looks normal - should see him when he starts licking walls or telling everyone on the bus its about to blow up. I also have 2 other going through the process of diagnosis and keep being told the youngest will grow out of it and how her cousins did not talk to 2 etc

  • Fiona, I also get the whole "well, he doesn't act that way here" bit. Or, "well, it must be you. He doesn't know how to act." Um, yeah I have a girl that's 6 and one that's 2. So, it's my parenting? REALLY!!! HMMMMM!!!! My says, Well, some kids are just more difficult to raise." LOL yeah I agree, but he has a diagnosis. So, it's not just "him" being difficult.

  • Fiona, I am so with you on that one! My lad - just turned 14 - struggled massively all through primary school. I do not have access to 'help / support' because he 'functions academically'... when I used to explain about the meltdowns once he is home from school and can let out all he has held in throughout the day, I was always told by the school that as far as they are concerned they 'did not see evidence of that behaviour'/ it was somehow 'my poor parenting skills - He was 'performing academically' and that was that. Now in secondary school, he is simply incapable of coping - his sensory issues are too pronounced. He dropped out of school back in May of last year and two weeks ago was hospitalised for major depression/suicide ideation ... is this enough for the evidence they so need before he can get any help? .... have applied again for support at school but that won't be decided until MARCH of next year. I told them he could be dead by then ....
    Hang in there, Girl. I wish I could tell you that it gets better ... We have to dig deep - really deep - show the rest of them what you are made of!

  • I am struggling to get a diagnosis because he chips well in academic and group settings. I felt so alone until I read this blog and this comment in particular. Thankyou all for sharing

• i am mother to a downs boy. classic comment from my sister - well at least you dont have to worry about the school run because he gets picked up every day. i would love to have been involved in the school run. and another one - downs children are so loving arent they - hmmm sometimes!!!

• 1. She doesn't look like she has Autism. 2. Are you sure the doctors are right? 3. She's just too pretty for their to be anything wrong with her. 4. Have you heard of Temple Grandin? She has Autism and is brilliant...a professor and everything. 5. Oh, Autism, but she is high functioning right cuz she looks fine? 6. She seems normal when she talks to me (adult talking). 7. She'll grow out of that Autism, right? Then she will be fine, right? 8. She just has some quirky things about her but everyone does. 9. Just be thankful that she is pretty and nobody can tell. 10. If you wouldn't baby her she'd be normal.
  I have to laugh at people because if they spent an entire hour with my daughter they would definitely be able to tell she isn't NT! It truly blows my mind how some people think.

  • If I had 1/2 of a penny for every time someone makes the Temple Grandin comparison (in other words, there's a tiny small sliver of hope that he might grow up to be this genius inventor and teacher and be self-supporting). And the "he looks too handsome to be autistic" stuff. I love you all who walk in my shoes every day!!! {{{{{{{{{xoxo}}}}}}}}}

• Have you read Jenny McCarthys books, why not try her doctors, diet, therapist, etc, she cured her son.

  • I went through a phase where if I'd met Jenny McCarthy in a dark alley she'd have been toast. I felt like everybody was thinking, "Well, if Jenny McCarthy can cure her kid, why are you being such a slacker?"

  • Jenny McCarthy ::shudder::. Just reading her name makes me cringe!!

  • I am so glad to hear you say this. I thought I was alone in my STRONG dislike of her. She has not helped the autism community at all.

  • Personally I tend not to take my medical advice from Playboy bunnies.
    Meg

  • I am so glad that I am not the only one she annoys, THERE IS NO CURE FOR AUTISM!! and I'm sorry, my son was autistic LONG before I immunised him.

  • I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't stand Jenny McCarthy.

  • I read her book. CURED? WOW she must be a genius! Would she like to come on over and "cure" my two sweet darlings? How about "babysitting" them for a few hours? I'd even allow her to bring Evan over to 'model' perfect behavior...

  • Jennie McCarthy is a crock!! Autism cannot be "cured!" Somebody's delusional here....

  • I hear it all the time if Jenny McCarthy cure her kid you can cure yours blah blah blah

  • Yes agree with everyone who commented on this. I think Jenny's kid must have been misdiagnosed or he is on the very mild part of the spectrum.

    Plus her view on vaccinations is rubbish, I could tell my child was Autistic well before his immunisations.
    She is a viral nuisance and needs to educate herself instead of spreading propaganda. Silly woman, with too much money to really understand anything about Autism and the fact that it is a neurological thing, and that immunisations can't change the form of the brain and it's function.

    She needs to get her boobs photographed again and stop talking about things that she has no education or understanding!!!!

  • My kid's doc said Jenny McCarthy was the worst thing that ever happened to a person on the Autism spectrum....stop and think about that. She is worse than no insurance coverage, no understanding, no support, bad education, ignorance.....

  • Did you hear that Jenny McCarthy's kid doesn't have autism after all? So she never cured him, he was just misdiagnosed. I read an article about it the other day.

  • Just saw an article on the whole Jenny McCarthy book and turns out her son was mis-diagnosed! Big surprise right? He is not autistic he has a rare neurological disorder!

  • He was misdiagnosed, its speculated he has Landau–Kleffner syndrome.even if he wasnt, the fact that she has money and access to resources, def. improved her son's prognosis. Its reported he did therapy for 40 hours a week.

  • And tell them, Jenny McCarthy is an anti-vaxxer, self-promoting f&$#g idiot!

• Number 10 is my favorite and your answer was perfect!!!I hear that all the time- reminds me of an interesting story. My husband works for a wonderful construction mangagement company. His boss donated a shitload of money to an autism school. The school had a party at a gorgeous catering hall to honor this man. My husbands company and wives were invited. We were sitting at our table when my hubands boss was called up to say a few words to the 400 people attending. All the sudden- I hear him say- its not me you want to thank- Its Mr&Mrs Fitzpatrick (us)Who live with this everyday-blah blah blah- ..He pulls us up there and he unveils 2 huge pictures that were covered up of my husband and i. We were dumbfounded and embaressed as hell and didnt know what to say. I felt that we were sitting in a room full of parents with children with so many other problems that were so much worse than ours and we didnt deserve all this. They also presented us with a huge basket full of gift certificates for resteraunts. It was crazy and amazing but people really think we are going through hell or something.

• "All he needs is a little discipline. Let me have him for a week- I'll straighten him right out." I always say, sure, you can have him for a week- but no one follows through....

  -LL

  • Hahahaha, I love that LL. People say that to me too. Problem is, they never ever offer/ask to have him again, lol

  • You should really let them have him for a week. He'll straighten THEM out!

  • Karen, AMEN!

  • I've been getting that since our son was about 2 (especially from my father-in-law who talks like he practically raised their kids by himself even though he was gone a lot for work and my sister-in-law who doesn't have any kids and has has not had much exposure/experience with kids as young as my kids).

• I HATE, "he is too cute to have Autism." Or, "he is too smart."

  • I don't have children with autism but have worked with children that do and have always been under the impression that children with autism are incredibly clever with an almost photographic memory, so it does annoy me when people say oh but he/she are too clever/ too cute to have autism grrrr

• How about, "have you tried ____?" Aloe vera juice, flaxseed oil, insert other quirky cure of the day.
  I heard so and so tried it and now their son is cured!

• He's not potty trained yet?? Well so and so's kid is younger and already potty trained. Your just not trying hard enough. :P

  • "you really need to be trying to toilet train him- he is nearly 5 and still in nappies.." Yea cause Hubby & I haven't read everything we can find, spoke to every worker he has seen & tried everything we can think of!?! does that mean you are going to volunteer?? Thought not.

  • I've had this one (18 and still in nappies). "You must have missed the potty training signals at the 2 year old stage. Its too late now." Yeah thanks for that. My fault entirely.

  • I hear that a lot...my son is 9 and high functioning, so people assume that he should be fully toilet trained because he is "so normal." I hate the word "normal." What the hell is that supposed to mean??!!!