(originally written & published on October 24, 2012)
Lately I hate answering my phone when it's my mom. Since back in May when Kyle first starting having seizures. And I'm sure the wife feels the same way about her parents. And she probably hates getting my 3pm texts asking "How was Kyle's day at school today?"
The reason? People want to hear good news. And there always expecting to hear good news...and when you give them bad news it's like a punch in the gut to them.
I don't know why our folks and siblings should still be shocked when we don't have good reports to give them. It's par for the course with us over the past 7+ years.
But they still call and ask
"How's Kyle doing after the hernia surgery?"
"How's Kyle doing on the new anti seizure med... Any more seizures?"
"How's he been at school? Still aggressive?"
And I can hear the hopefullness in their voices. They want you to tell them good news. And sometimes I want to give them the standard answer that I give co-workers & colleages when they ask how my son is doing.
"He's doing great. Yeah, he's 9 now. Getting big...time flies..."
But they are family, and they are truly concerned and they want to know so we usually start out with.
"He's doing ok.....BUT...."
"...BUT... he's still out of sorts since the hernia surgery..."
"...BUT...he's being very agressive towards his classmates & teachers at school...."
"...BUT...he's still getting dizzy and bumped his head a few times on the new meds..."
And alot of these answers will be followed by silence... and then a ton of followup questions, which always includes...
"What does the doctor say?" OR "What does the school say?"
After all these years don't they know that when it comes to most things autism doctors don't have any answers & now we are learning that when it comes to most things epilepsy, doctors are guessing as much as we are?
And the school? They are trying their best. I believe that... but they don't have any answers either...
But anyway, back to these phone calls... The hopefullness in their voices when they ask the initial question "How's Kyle?" is a killer. I sometimes hate answering that question.
And I fall into the same trap with my after school check in texts. I text the wife everyday around 3pm all hopeful that things are on an upswing and I can tell when I ask "How's Kyle?" And I get back a quick "ok" text that there is a "...BUT..." text coming and I sit there waiting for the punch in the gut.
And here's today's exchange...
Yes, that was like a punch in the gut. Why do I keep sending the 3pm after school check in text? It makes my last 3 hours at work a lot harder...
I think I'm going to give it up and stop asking. Ignorance is bliss...
But at least the dishwasher is clean... :-)
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