(originally written & published on June 5, 2011)
I hope people don't take this the wrong way and before I say it I just want to say that all people are welcome on this page regardless of their backgrounds or beliefs. I want this autism page to be (for the most part) free from all the debates i see on alot of other autism pages about whether certain vaccines cause autism, whether Autism Speaks is good or evil, whether this treatment is better than that treatment (trust me we've tried them all), whether using meds on our kids is good or bad, etc, etc.
The reason for this post? At least once a day on my AD page/blog somebody will write something to the effect of "God only gives special kids to special parents" or "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" or my favorite..."your son's autism is a gift from God"
I don't believe any of these statements.
One thing I think you should know about Autism Daddy is that I do not believe my son having autism is a gift from God, and that God only gives us what we can handle. Now again i don't want to lose people by saying this. Again you are ALL welcome here. If your religion makes the daily struggle of autism easier to take, God bless (no pun intended). I wish I had something to make the struggle a bit easier to take, so I envy you folks there.
But I was raised Catholic. Lost my taste for it years back. I guess I believe that there's an all powerful being out there. But I find it hard to fathom why any God would intentionally give children a disability. I'm in this autism world over 6 years now and not a day goes by when I don't see a father with a typical son and I think what if and I HURT. I thought it would get easier as the years pass, and yet it didn't.
So I didn't sign up for this and I refuse to believe that someone or something CHOSE me and my wife to raise a son with autism and it's a gift. I mean I love my son. After 3 miscarriages HE was a gift. But the autism? That's some CRAPPY gift. That's a gift I'd like to return.
I also hate when people say "I don't know how you guys do it. I wouldn't be able to do it." I mean c'mon the wife and I are no saints, we're just doing what anybody else would do. We are raising our kid the best we can. Nothing more, nothing less.
We are not even close to perfect. We yell at Kyle when we know he can't always help what he's doing wrong. We curse. Getting ready and getting out of the house on a typical school day can be EXCRUCIATING.
Also you should know that we are not what the wife calls "uber autism moms & dads". We have done alot of the biomedical stuff and kinda got burned by a few (made Kyle worse?) but we don't keep food diaries and track/log his moods. We don't always engage him as much as we should. There's a point of every day where the wife and/or I are exhausted and we just leave Kyle alone in his playroom to destroy it while we spend 30-60 minutes vegging out watching tv or playing with the iPad.
We know it's wrong. We know that's time we could be reading him a book or engaging him in an activity. And we know keeping a food diary or a history of all the supplements & meds we've tried would be a smart thing to do... but we haven't yet.
So there you go, proof that we are not even close to perfect. Maybe we are TOO selfish. (I wrote another blog post about how selfish we are that you can read HERE :-).
But getting back to the religion thing...
I don't think Kyle having autism is a gift from God but I envy you if your religion makes autism easier to take. The wife and I used to kid about getting into Scientology because they all seem so happy. (See Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch). And maybe Scientology would make the day to day autism stuff easier to swallow.
I think we are both open to having religion back in our lives, any religion, something spiritual, but we haven't found the right one yet.
So again, I hope I don't lose anybody. And also please remember that I am looking at severe autism, the non verbal, head banging, playing with saliva variety. If your religious beliefs make the day to day autism easier to take, good for you. You know what makes my day to day autism easier to take? TV, running, my wife, my dog and a little white pill I started taking a year and a half ago (I wrote about my magic pill in another post that you can read HERE :-).
So for now, those are my religions.
THE END :-)
-- If you're gonna shop Amazon anyway, can I ask that you enter Amazon by using the search box above or by going to http://www.amazon.com/?tag=a050ef-20 This way I can make a little money to help pay for my son's after school & weekend therapies. This blogging thing has been awesome & life changing for me... but I must admit that it's taking up a lot more time than I ever thought... so if I can make a few bucks it'll make it easier for me to justify....Love you all! Thanks!!